A little out dated but:

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.
Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"
A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"
Dubya says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"

Quoted Text

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A little out dated but:

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.
Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"
A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.
"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"
Dubya says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"

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That is hilarious!!!!!!


A drunk walks by a mental hopital.
Suddenly, a sheet covered in diarrhea flies out of a second story window and lands on the drunk.
The drunk struggles to get the sheet of and begins punching the air and kicking and screaming.
A policeman, after watching the drunk, goes up to him and asks what he is doing.
The drunk, who now has the diarrhea covered sheet at his feet, replies "I think I beat the s*** out of a ghost"

An old pensioner walks into a bakery somewhere in the midwest to buy a loaf of bread. He finds the place crowded with men, and realizes it's because of the ultra-hot young lady in a mini skirt behind the counter.

A customer asks for a loaf of raisin bread, and the young lady places a step ladder against the shelves and climbs up to get a raisin loaf off the top shelf, giving all the customers an eyeful.

The next customer asks for raisin bread too, and the hottie goes up again. This goes on, with everyone buying raisin bread.

Finally, grandad's the only guy left.

"Is yours a raisin, too?" asks the young miss.

"No ma'am", sighs the pensioner, "but it sure is a quiverin'!"

A Yank, a German, and a Sri Lankan are taking a train somewhere in Europe when a thug storms into their compartment, brandishing a hypodermic syringe.

"This is AIDS-infected blood and I'm gonna stick anyone who doesn't hand over the cash!" he yells.

The Yank, knowing he's well insured, hands over the dough without batting an eye.

The tight-fisted German thinks about resisting, but decides the euros aren't worth his life and hands it over.

The Sri Lankan just laughs in the robber's face. His companion's are aghast and urge him to give it up, it's only money, etc. But our hero refuses.

The thug then pumps him full of the infected blood and takes off with his ill-gotten gains.

The Yank and the German are horrified and point out that the Sri Lankan now has AIDS.

But our hero just smiles confidently and says, "Not to worry, I'm wearing a condom."

Hi Guys,
Belgian tennis star Kim Clijsters has announced her retirement from the tennis world to start a career as an actrice.She has just signed a 3 movie deal with Disney,here is a sneak peak of her first star role...

Cheers,Shay :-)

Subject: Church Gossip


How To Stop Church Gossip

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the
congregation's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's
business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular
activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member,
of
being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of
the
town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George and
several
others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just
turned and
walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of
Mildred's
house....walked home....and left it there all night.

Don't ya just love ol George ..

Just watched Larry again last night so here’s another one. (Chad I think you'll like this one.)

My sisters big. In fact she got on one of those talking scales and it said “What the )

Well she got married and we all went down to the church. And let me tell you those bridesmaids were all bigger then she was.
When we got there they were all standing out side in there matching brown gowns. It looked like a bunch of UPS trucks had pulled up to the church.
When the precession started instead of playing here comes the bride they played convoy. Let me tell you when they got to the part with a cab-over pete with a reefer on and a Jimmy hauling hogs there wasn’t a dry eye in the whole place.


Of course I understand some of you may not know that song so.........
click

have fun.


Grandpa no ones shooting at you Grandma just got the walking farts. Now put you pants back on and get out of the ditch.