THEY WALK AMONG US
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I walked into a Blimbie's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich.
I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free". "They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free".

She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door. They walk among
Us and many work retail.

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A friend of mine bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the f ridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. My friend decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50."

The next day someone stole it. They walk among us.

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One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, Where?" They Walk among us!

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"

When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff.


They Walk Among Us!!

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I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific." They Walk Among Us!

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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving." They Walk Among Us!

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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk. They Walk Among Us!

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My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount. They Walk Among Us!

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I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?"

I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned. They Walk Among Us!

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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
They Walk Among Us!

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While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. J ust cu t it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces." Yep, They Walk Among Us!

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They walk among us, AND they reproduce!

:-)

Thanks, Dave. :-)

Here are a couple sadly true examples.

Guy I know threw a high school graduation party for his daughter and planned on leaving beer and wine available to anyone who "found" it. His wife anonymously called 3 police departments to ask if this was okay. He couldn't understand why there were so many patrols on his street the day of the party.
They walk among us.

Pay phone rings outside the office we shared. He gets up from his desk and answers it, "How did you get this number? It's a pay phone!" My friend and I then started calling the number every so often. He'd get up and answer it the same way every time.
They walk among us.

:-) I need to find a sandwich shop like that Blimpie's.

Thanks for those Dave :-) :-) :-)

Whilst driving down the Autobahn, there was a flash in the sky. I said "oh oh! Was that lightning?" As the rumble exploded SWMBO said "No dear, it sounded more like thunder".

She walks among us!

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Whilst passing a restaurant SWMBO remarked "I had a meal there once, it was lovely, I had soup on a rope".

I almost crashed the car laughing. I think she got confused between "soap on a rope" and "chicken in a basket". I never figured out what she actually ate.

She walks among us!

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I was posted to Gibraltar for a while to help out with some stuff whilst SWMBO remained behind with the kids. The weather was crap. When I got home I mentioned to her that it was the coldest winter in Gib for 40 years.

SWMBO then told everybody that "Murdo said it was MINUS 40 degrees c in Gibraltar".

I asked her NEVER to quote me again!

She walks among us!

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Oh, there's much, much more!

I have two words for those people: JOB SECURITY!
:-) :-)

LOL Dave very good...

I happen to have had a similiar experience with a guy I worked with..

We worked at a farmer in the flowerbulbs as that is what you do if you are a young Dutch boy living in the Dutch Countryside.. There were a lot of polish people working there. Some of these Polish people spoke a bit Dutch... So I was curious at what time it was and I couldn't see the clock from where I was standing So I asked one of my polish colleagues who could see the clock and he answered in a bit broken but understandable Dutch the time... This mate of mine started to look a bit puzzled and only 5 minutes later he asked me how the Polish people were able to read the Dutch time :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

They walk among us.

Just makes you shake your head doesn't it.... :-) :-) :-)


Dave

I just got back from a really crappy day at work. Thanks mate, these made my day.

Not to worry about the gene pool. They will work their way out of it by evolution. Don't forget about the annual Darwin Awards.

In my line of work I deal with these people all of the time. One night we had just dropped a patient off at the ER and they were really busy, so I answered the phone for them. The lady on the line said that she was 8 months pregnant and had gone swimming with some friends and now she is concerned that she may have drowned her baby. She wanted to know what to do to. Well I figured if she were dumb enough to ask that she should have to come and sit in the ER waiting room all night, so I told her it would probably be a good idea to get checked out.

I was working at the Talladega Superspeedway and a lady approached me and asked what time the race started. I told her the race starts at one o'clock. She hestitated and asked, "Is that your time or my time?" I said, ma'am since I don't know which time zone you're from, that would be one o'clock my time.

People never cease to amaze me.

Patrick

:-) Fantastic! Thanks, Dave!

Cagin

This thread reminds me of my soon to be written Master's Thesis on how the modern 911 system is messing up human evolution. Now follow me on this one, 30 or 40 years ago no 911 to save people who really do stupid things. These people would die from their stupidity and not pass on their defective genes. Now, with modern 911 saving these people from themselves, they are allowed to survive an otherwise fatal moment of stupidity and can thus breed and pass on their genes. Every generation that goes by just compounds the problem. I have passed that around by department so much the the dispacthers will bring that up to us on out in car computer system when sending us to a really stupid call. Trustt me this is very true, just sit back and think about it. :-)

Those were good!

Funny Story...................

I must admit, there are days I have walked amongst you all too! LOL Everyone is entitled to a "stupid moment" every once in a while. One day at work, I had a racially heated argument with a black customer who called me a slew of undeserved remarks; "racist" being the kindest of them all. Now, bear in mind, I hold nothing against black people, but this guy really got me fired up. I really wanted to put him in his place, but in general, as a business owner, I make it a point to turn the other cheek as long as things dont turn violent. Well, about an hour later, I went to "Wendy's" with one of my employees to get some quick lunch. I was still fired up. My Employee ordered a burger and some chili. I dont remember what I ordered. So, we drove through the drive through, and when we got to the window, the black girl working there looked at both of us and said "Crackers?" Not really listening or thinking, I sternly replied "WHAT DID YOU CALL US!!!" She returned "Crackers.........with your chili???" LMAO We ALL started dieing laughing, Me, my employee, the girl, and everyone in the kitchen LMAO So, in conclusion, I wanted to reiterate "everyone has a stupid moment" from time to time. Just make sure to laugh at yourself when you do!

Dave,
God love ya man! I laughed so hard, I almost pooped! :-)

I worked many years in different gas stations, all of which were, of course, self serve. I've had more contact with these who walk among us than anyone can believe.
The worst one was the older lady whose car was on fire...so she pulled into my Amoco, right under the canopy, got out of her car (Between my cashier's booth window and the PUMPS?!?!) and motioned to me that she didn't know what to do.
Brilliant.

It relates to the 9-11 theory except it's the result of years of Full Serve and knowing the sevice station mechanic could handle such an obvious case of car trouble.

They indeed Walk Among Us....and they all need gas.

Cuhail

Gary,
THAT'S funny too! :-)

Cuhail

Brilliant Dave, I can't match them, but here's a couple anyway.

Some years ago we were sitting in the pub with the bike club, when the question of age came up. My wife said I would be 39 next birthday (I told you this was some years ago!). The guy to my right nodded his head. 5 minutes later he asked: "So how old is he now?"

The same guy asked us all on another occassion where he could get his bike seat recovered. After numerous suggestions both local & in the bike press from the assembly he said: " Perhaps my Dad could help, he's an upholsterer".

Good god that some funny stuff gang.

I think I may have dated this one though..





Dave

I like the story from the ER in the hospital I worked at of the guy who came in with a 3/4 inch box wrench on his tally-wacker. They couldn't use anything but a dye-grinder to cut it. And don't forget it takes two cuts to remove it without any damage to the 'tool'.

I always wonder he has permanent marks and indent on it! :-)

Oh my god, I've come across so many people like them in my time, and not only do they work in retail, they also shop like the rest of us and drive the ones with sense absolutely spare with their level of moronicness....

Maybe he was trying to tighten up some loose nuts? LMAO :-)

The wife and I were driving past an apartment complex. She looked at me perplexed and asked me what a "Car Portiv" was.
I said "That is Car Port 4, honey, in Roman numerals."
They ride in my car, sometimes...

Shaun.

Where I work, we have to stop at the gate and show the guard our ID.

Last week we had an ice storm, followed by snow.

My driver's side window was frozen shut, so when I got to the gate I opened my door to give the guard my ID (I am certain I am not the only person who did this). He looks at me funny and says, "What's the matter? Is your window froze shut?"

I had all I could do to keep from answering, "No. I just felt like letting all the heat out of my vehicle while I showed you my ID."

:-) :-) :-) Priceless!

A few weeks ago I rented some DVDs from the local hire place. When I returned them a week later I jokingly mentioned to the guy working in the 'returns' that I'd forgotten to rewind them. He's watching TV and kind of grunts back at me. A couple of seconds later he pops one of my returns in the DVD player and trys to rewind it...

I walk among You. Last year during a chemistry lab class we had to do some stupid tests with vitamine c. The first thing to do was to boil it, Fine, i placed the erlenmeyer flask full of vitamines onto the stove. Wait for ten minutes, nothing happens. I checked the plug, the stove wasnt connected. Now, second attempt, wait for ten minutes,still nothing. I was perplexed. After like five minutes of investigation I realized I plugged in the stove of my classmate working beside me. Beware of me, I still walk