How many times have you said something only to wish that you could reverse time ....Check these stories out


Foot In Mouth Disease
2004-11-26

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my Sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don' t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM,IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

lmao... i can understand them lol... hte owrst is when you get in argument with a gf and you say soemthing that jsut got them pumped up and even more mad at you... got you regret what you jsut said lol

Thanks for the laugth mary

Frank

:-) :-) :-) Oh I'm just getting over a bad Flu Mary, been awfully down just recently thats brought me back from the Brink
:-) thanks for a great laugh !

Hi Jane

... see what I mean!

Hi Mary

Almost every other thing I've done in life has left me wishing for a re-wind button! I don't dare share some of my worst moments - but your sagas have given me much needed solice... it's not only me!

All the best

Rowan

you know i think the worst one is the one where you were in the bank. Somtimes I have my girlfriend come over late at night and one time my bro found out. Boy, I cant even give him a love tap or anything like that or he might tell ma. So lesson learned, always go to her house!

well those are just out and out hysterical ....thanks for sharing

I was visiting a really good friend of mine who i must add is very good looking, but sometimes a ditz.

A friend and i went over there, I was wearing a green shirt, and my friend was wearing a red shirt.
While we were over there, she mentioned how our shirts reminded her of stop lights, she was wearing a orange shirt, " your shirt is green like the light to go" im like ok.... then she siad my fiends shirt is like red to stop. She mentioned that her shirt ( which was Orange) reminded her like warning signs, or like construction, or MEN AT WORK

:-)

thanks for a great laughs. :-) :-) :-) :-)

:-) :-) :-) Don't think these are Mary's personel experiences Harrison :-) :-) :-)

Yes Mary, I suffer from CFIMS Chronic Foot In Mouth Syndrome... I'm always saying stuff that comes out wrong or at the wrong time...

As an example my 3 year old son is thoroughly fascinated with balls of any sort, baseballs, basketballs, soccerballs, you name it... The other day we went to the commissary and he wanted to bring his basketball in with us, I wouldn't let him so while we were walking around in the commissary he said something reguarding his ball and I retorted with" Bobby, you really need to think about something other than your balls" This elderly woman looked at me funny and walked away rapidly.
It was really rather humiliating...

Thats not as bad as some of hers but that is pretty funny.

True story: I guy where I work quit and a young lady was promoted to take over his job. The guy that quit was pretty lax with the guys that worked for him and he would leave his desk and office unlocked so they could come in and get whatever tools or supplies they needed.
During the transition, the president of the company came out to the office and looked at the guys that were cleaning up the office, getting it ready for the young lady to start her new job. He looked at them and said, “Make sure you get all of those tools out of that desk. I don’t want any of those guys having any excuse for getting into Susan’s drawers.”
Needless to say, we fell out.
Like I said, true story. Hell, I couldn’t make up something that funny.

Shaun

Oh God Shaun, that's too funny...

Mary thanks for the laughs. I had to have my sister and my mother to get me to shut up I was laughing. I cannot describe how funny those were. You have a lot of guts to say some of those things but great job for doing so.

I too suffer. Merlin said it best in wishing for a rewind button on just about everything said. It is even worse living in a dorm with a bunch of - great - friends checking every word you say. My occasional stuttering doesn't help much.

Jeff