Hard to believe, but another year has passed . . .
(For those who don't know about it, the Darwin Awards are awarded
every year to the person(s) who died in the stupidest way, thereby
removing him or herself from the gene pool . . . .)
The Nominees Are:
NOMINEE No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a
shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a
hole in his gut.
NOMINEE No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of
Alamo, Michigan, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what
police describe as a "farm-type truck."
Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung
underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise.
Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found
Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft!"
NOMINEE No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record] Ken Charles Barger, 47,
accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC.
Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he
reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special,
which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
NOMINEE No 4: [UPI, Toronto] Police said a lawyer demonstrating the
safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a
pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police
spokesman said Gary Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto
Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the
strength of the
building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy had previously
conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police
reports. Peter Lawyers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day
Wilson told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was one of the "best
and brightest" members of the 200-man association".
NOMINEE No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service] A terrible diet and room with
no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed
by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but an autopsy showed
large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted
primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was
just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in
his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his
bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't
have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his near-airtight
bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge
capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got
sick and one was hospitalized.
NOMINEE No. 6: ["News of the Weird"] Michael Anderson Godwin made News
of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South
Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his
sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet
in his cell and attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire
and was electrocuted.
NOMINEE No. 7: ["The Indianapolis Star"] A cigarette lighter may have
triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man
using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was
killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's
investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents'
rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators said Pryor was
cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle loader that had not been firing properly.
He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder
ignited.
NOMINEE No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario] A man cleaning a bird
feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto
suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55,
was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said
Inspector Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional police. "It appears the
chair moved and he went
over the balcony," Honer said.
AND FINALLY: (now, these two guys don't count because they aren't dead
yet, but this is a goodie, nonetheless) [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]
Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the
road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early
Monday morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the
accident shortly after midnight Monday :
Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little
Rock are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The
accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a
frog-gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck
headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight
fuse on the older model truck had burned out.
As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the
22-caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next
to the steering wheel column. After inserting the bullet, the
headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded
toward the White River Bridge.
After traveling about 20 miles and just before crossing the river,
the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the
right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply right exiting the
pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and
abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to repair the
other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and
released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his
balls off or we might both be dead" stated Wallis.
"I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but
this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit
how this accident happened," said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife asked how
many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck.
(Way to go, Lavinia.)
