I am having dreams of Helga coming to my sty and crushing my spindly bones I have not even dug my M4A4 kit out of the attic. I think I need a bigger dog to watch my house (++)

I am sure you mean 'WET' Dreams brother. #:-)

Woah!! Roo is getting "rough"!!!


I just love it when he does that!

I have a report that Helga has been hard at work in her "quarters". She has said that she has not been at your house and that while not being there, she is sorry that the lamp got broken. She also stated the following;
1) She would have no idea that the top hinge to the front door could use an oiling.
2) She is guessing that the "Welcome, unless your an inlaw" mat at the front door is tacky.
3) Just a stab in the dark but, you use too many pastels and the "Wall of Mom" photos may cause date failure.
4) Your "Magazine" collection, under your bed, should also have some real words and/or letters in them, so that when you say "I just get them for the articales" might pass.
5) feels that your cat could use some attention, and a bong hit............that is one nervous cat!!!
6) senses that whatever that stuff is in the bottom,back, left-hand corner of the fridge should be tossed out before it grows legs and creates a post apocolyptic society with the other food ala "Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome"
7) Denies knowledge that you should stop alphabetizing your shoes.
8) Refutes having anysensitive photos of you sleeping in your bed or having any alarm schematics to said domicle.
9) resents any inference to her choice of tile for re-tiling the bath, as being "Tacky", and wouldn't know what your talking about anyway.

Of course, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT SHE IS TAKING ABOUT (read this as I wave my hand before you saying "This is not the one you are looking for"). All allegations of misconduct must be supplied, in triplicate, essay form, 3" margins, on long grain rice, in latin, with the enigma code installed.