Found this tonight on Stockholm IPMS site ...... worth a read if you´re a Python ... otherwise ´..

The Hobby Shop with apologies to Monty Python

(a customer walks in the door)

Customer: Good Morning.

Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the Skagness Hobby Emporium!

Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.

Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?

Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through Rogue Herrys by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish for plastic.

Owner: Peckish, sir?

Customer: Esuriant.

Owner: Eh?

Customer: 'Ee, ah wor 'ungry-loike!

Owner: Ah, hungry!

Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little Tamiya Panther will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some modelling comestibles!

Owner: Come again?

Customer: I want to buy some models.

Owner: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!

Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!

Owner: Sorry?

Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!

Owner: So he can go on playing, can he?

Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some models please, my good man.

Owner: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?

Customer: Well, eh, how about a Tamiya Panther?

Owner: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of Tamiya Panthers, sir.

Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tigers?

Owner: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.

Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of CA, if you please.

Owner: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.

Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Dragon Panzer III?

Owner: Sorry, sir.

Customer: Academy M10?

Owner: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.

Customer: Ah. Trumpeter Challenger 2?

Owner: Sorry.

Customer: AS-90? Faun?

Owner: No.

Customer: Any Sweedish S-Tanks, per chance.

Owner: No.

Customer: Tamiya M26 Pershing?

Owner: No.

Customer: Dragon M26 Pershing?

Owner: No.

Customer: Verlinden French WWII Dry Transfers?

Owner: No.

Customer: Bandai Enterprise?

Owner: No.

Customer: Italeri LVT-4?

Owner: (pause) No.

Customer: AFV Club LVTP5A1?

Owner: No.

Customer: Fine Molds IJA Type 3 Medium Tank?

Owner: No.

Customer: Tamiya SAS Land Rover, 3.7 cm gun, Daimler Dingo, Jerry Cans, British Infantry on Patrol, Sandbags, 75mm Panther Shells, LRDG Chevy?

Owner: No.

Customer: Dragon M4A1 Sherman, perhaps?

Owner: Ah! We have the M4A1, yessir.

Customer: (suprised) You do! Excellent.

Owner: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it smells a bit musty...

Customer: Oh, I like it musty.

Owner: Well,.. It's very musty, actually, sir.

Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the replica from Hong Kong! Mmmwah!

Owner: I...think it's a bit mustier than you'll like it, sir.

Customer: I don't care how fricking musty it is. Hand it over with all speed.

Owner: Oooooooooohhh........! (pause)

Customer: What now?

Owner: The cat's eaten it.

Customer: (pause) Has he.

Owner: She, sir.

Customer: (pause) Gunze Sangyo Panzer IV ausf G New Package?

Owner: No.

Customer: Heller Souma S35?

Owner: No.

Customer: Italeri Opel Blitz?

Owner: No.

Customer: Pit-Road JGSDF Type 89 Infantry Combat Vehicle?

Owner: No.

Customer: Tamiya Leopard 2A5?

Owner: No, sir.

Customer: You...do have some models, don't you?

Owner: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a Hobby shop, sir. We've got--

Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.

Owner: Fair enough.

Customer: Uuuuuh, Chaffee.

Owner: Yes?

Customer: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!

Owner: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Chaffee, that's my name.

Customer: (pause) Dragon Hummel?

Owner: Uh, not as such.

Customer: Uuh, Revell German PzH2000?

Owner: No.

Customer: Skybow M41 ,

Owner: No.

Customer: Verlinden "What did you do during the war, Daddy?",

Owner: No.

Customer: Heller VAB Troop Carrier,

Owner: No.

Customer: Tamiya T-55,

Owner: No.

Customer: Revell Germany Fuchs,

Owner: No.

Customer: Italeri Modern Weapons Set?

Owner: Not *today*, sir, no.

Customer: (pause) Aah, how about a Tamiya King Tiger?

Owner: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.

Customer: Not much ca-- it's the single most popular model in the world!

Owner: Not 'round here, sir.

Customer: (slight pause) and what IS the most popular models 'round hyah?

Owner: 'Bren Carrier, sir.

Customer: IS it.

Owner: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.

Customer: Is it.

Owner: It's our number one best seller, sir!

Customer: I see. Uuh...'Bren Carrier, eh?

Owner: Right, sir.

Customer: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.

Owner: I'll have a look, sir........nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

Customer: It's not much of a models shop, is it?

Owner: Finest in the district!

Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.

Owner: Well, it's so clean, sir!

Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by models....

Owner: (brightly) You haven't asked me about the Panzer II, sir.

Customer: Would it be worth it?

Owner: Could be....

Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!

Owner: Told you sir....

Customer: (slowly) Have you got any Panzer IIs?

Owner: No.

Customer: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:

Owner: Yessir?

Customer: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any models here at all.

Owner: Yes, sir.

Customer: Really?

(pause)

Owner: No. Not really, sir.

Customer: You haven't.

Owner: No sir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.

Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.

Owner: Right-Oh, sir.

(The Customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner)

Customer: What a senseless waste of human life.

flappingly funny post plasticbattle!!!!!!!! Had me in tears about 3/4 way through. #:-) Not much of a fan of the punchline tho',,,,,,,that's where it missed the 'Python' mark. Damned funny though mate!!

Thhx again.

Tread.

But then, with a better punchline, I'd probably had to have been hospitalized!!

I see the author's been to my local shops as well !

Thank goodness he didn't walk into the Cheese Shop next door ...

(This was on Missing Links a couple days ago and I laughed then, too.)

You've got me pining for the fjords and the shopkeeper should have aske dthe customer if this was the bleeding Spanish Inquisition!

Enter the Cardinal: NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION! Bring me the comfy chair for this heretic!

Man, don't get me started ... tonight there's already been a dead bishop on the landing and a penguin on the telly ...

OK, for those of your who are Python-less (not aware of exploding penguins, albatross being sold in theaters, Spam as a main course, etc.) this is an example of a (real) Monty Python sketch, which somewhat describes the debate that goes through my mind every time I want to do a conversion ....

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ...


A Pet Shop Somewhere Near Melton Mowbray

Man: Good morning, I'd like to buy a cat.

Shopkeeper: Certainly sir. I've got a lovely terrier. [indicates a box on the counter]

Man: no, I want a cat really.

Shopkeeper: [taking box off counter and then putting it back on counter as if it is a different box] Oh yeah, how about that?

Man: [looking in box] No, that's the terrier.

Shopkeeper: Well, it's as near as dammit.

Man: Well what do you mean? I want a cat.

Shopkeeper: Listen, tell you what. I'll file its legs down a bit, take its snout out, stick a few wires through its cheeks. There you are, a lovely pussy cat.

Man: Its not a proper cat.

Shopkeeper: What do you mean?

Man: Well it wouldn't meow.

Shopkeeper: Well it would howl a bit.

Man: No, no, no, no. Er, have you got a parrot?

Shopkeeper: No, I'm afraid not actually guv, we're fresh out of parrots. I'll tell you what though ... I'll lop its back legs off, make good, strip the fur, stick a couple of wings on and staple on a beak of your own choice. [taking small box and rattling it] No problem. Lovely parrot.

Man: How long would that take?

Shopkeeper: Oh, let me see ... er, stripping the fur off, no legs ... [calling] Harry ... can you do a parrot job on this terrier straight away?

Harry: [off-screen] No, I'm still putting a tuck in the Airedale, and then I got the frogs to let out.

Shopkeeper: Friday?

Man: No I need it for tomorrow. It's a present.

Shopkeeper: Oh dear, it's a long job. You see parrot conversion ... Tell you what though, for free, terriers make lovely fish. I mean I could do that for you straight away. Legs off, fins on, stick a little pipe through the back of its neck so it can breathe, bit of gold paint, make good ...

Man: You'd need a very big tank.

Shopkeeper: It's a great conversation piece.

Man: Yes, all right, all right ... but, er, only if I can watch.

Alright, now I'm really in heaven! Fellow modelers AND fans of Monty Python! You guys are really my kind of people! Thanks for the great laughs!

Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time PPHHHHTTTTT

John

But would the English sparrow be able to develop enough wing velocity to carry to kits from Hong Kong to England? (Holy Grail) Long time Monty Python fan here. :-) :-) :-)

Another great post there Hollowpoint! And as John17 said " Fellow modeler's AND fans of Monty Python! " you guys are great. #:-)

Tread.

Oh, and to repeat a question I posed to the membership way back when, when Armorama first started........" What's the atomic weight of an unladen African Sparrow!?"

One of my fave's from the troupe:

Eric Idle: Very fussable, isn't it? Very fussable.
All: Right, all right.
Graham Chapman: Good glass of Chateau de Chasselas, ain't just that, sire?
Terry Jones: Oh, you're right there, Obadiah.
Graham Chapman: Right.
Eric Idle: Who would have thought, thirty years ago, we'd all be sitting here drinking Chateau de Chaselet, eh?
All: Aye, aye.
Michael Palin: Them days we were glad to have the price of a cup of tea.
Graham Chapman: Right! A cup of cold tea!
Michael Palin: Right!
Eric Idle: Without milk or sugar!
Terry Jones: Or tea!
Michael Palin: In a cracked cup and all.
Eric Idle: Oh, we never used to have a cup! We used to have to drink out of a rolled-up newspaper!
Graham Chapman: The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.
Terry Jones: But you know, we were happy in those days, although we were poor.
Michael Palin: Because we were poor!
Terry Jones: Right!
Michael Palin: My old dad used to say to me: "Money doesn't bring you happiness, son!"
Eric Idle: He was right!
Michael Palin: Right!
Eric Idle: I was happier then and I had nothing! We used to live in this tiny old tumbled-down house with great big holes in the roof.
Graham Chapman: House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twenty six of us, no furniture, half the floor was missing, we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of falling.
Terry Jones: You were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in the corridor!
Michael Palin: Oh, we used to dream of living in a corridor! Would have been a palace to us! We used to live in an old watertank on a rubbish tip. We'd all woke up every morning by having a load of rotten fish dumped all over us! House, huh!
Eric Idle: Well, when I say a house, it was just a hole in the ground, covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us!
Graham Chapman: We were evicted from our hole in the ground. We had to go and live in a lake!
Terry Jones: You were lucky to have a lake! There were 150 of us living in a shoebox in the middle of the road!
Michael Palin: A cardboard box?
Terry Jones: Aye!
Michael Palin: You were lucky! We lived for three months in a rolled-up newspaper in a septic tank! We used to have to go up every morning, at six o'clock and clean the newspaper, go to work down the mill, fourteen hours a day, week in, week out, for six pence a week, and when we got home, our dad would slash us to sleep with his belt!
Graham Chapman: Luxury! We used to have to get up out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot grubble, work twenty hours a day at mill, for two pence a month, come home, and dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!
Terry Jones: Well, of course, we had it tough! We used to have to get up out of the shoebox in the middle of the night, and lick the road clean with our tongues! We had to eat half a handful of freezing cold grubble, work twenty-four hours a day at mill for four pence every six years, and when we got home, our dad would slice us in two with a breadknife!
Eric Idle: Right! I had to get up in the morning, at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill and pay millowner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our dad would kill us and dance about on our graves, singing Hallelujah!
Michael Palin: Aah. Are you trying to tell the young people of today that, and they won't believe you!
All: No, no they won't!


#:-)

Alright all you Python lovers, what do you all say we change our on-line handles to "Bruce" and our flags to Australia?

And then we can all live by the rules:

Rule One: No Poofters!
Rule Two: No member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way at all -- if there's anybody watching.
Rule Three: No Poofters!!
Rule Four: I don't want to catch anybody not drinking.
Rule Five: No Poofters!
Rule Six: There is NO ... Rule Six.
Rule Seven: No Poofters!!
Right, that concludes the readin' of the rules, Bruce.
This here's the wattle, the emblem of our land. You can stick it in a bottle, you can hold it in your hand. Amen!

On second thought, maybe we could just be lumberjacks and we'll be OK ... #:-)

(Thinks of returning my newly acquired ex- parrot to the shoppe, along with a semi eaten 'Waffer thin mint'...)

Found my thee Monty Python vinyl L.p.'s in the attic the other day, played all three and near wet myself laughing, I love the Pirhana Brothers.
Harry Snapper Organs of Q division went under cover in a Shakespearian? repetoir company where he played various parts like Sancho Pansa in Man from Lamancha but he recieved bad reviews when he kept interupting the rape scene in the taming of the shew by walking on stage and saying Hello hello hello whats goining on here then."SHUT THAT BLEEDING DOOR MOTHER"

Wow. To peek the posts at 3 AM in the morning and find this thread...



And...
Here´s my two cents. I think this can be found in the web as MP3 format as well...

The Cast (in order of appearance.)

M= Man looking for an argument
R= Receptionist
Q= Abuser
A= Arguer
C= Complainer
H= Head Hitter




M: Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.
R: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?
M: No, I haven't, this is my first time.
R: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
M: Well, what is the cost?
R: Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.
M: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.
R: Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the moment.



Pause

R: Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory.
Ahh yes, Try Mr. Barnard; room 12.
M: Thank you.

(Walks down the hall. Opens door.)

Q: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
M: Well, I was told outside that...
Q: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
M: What?
Q: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
M: Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!
Q: OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
M: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.
Q: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.
M: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.
Q: Not at all.
M: Thank You. (Under his breath) Stupid git!!

(Walk down the corridor)

M: (Knock)
A: Come in.
M: Ah, Is this the right room for an argument?
A: I told you once.
M: No you haven't.
A: Yes I have.
M: When?
A: Just now.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn't
A: I did!
M: You didn't!
A: I'm telling you I did!
M: You did not!!
A: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
M: Oh, just the five minutes.
A: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not.
A: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.
M: No you did not.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn't.
A: Did.
M: Oh look, this isn't an argument.
A: Yes it is.
M: No it isn't. It's just contradiction.
A: No it isn't.
M: It is!
A: It is not.
M: Look, you just contradicted me.
A: I did not.
M: Oh you did!!
A: No, no, no.
M: You did just then.
A: Nonsense!
M: Oh, this is futile!
A: No it isn't.
M: I came here for a good argument.
A: No you didn't; no, you came here for an argument.
M: An argument isn't just contradiction.
A: It can be.
M: No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
A: No it isn't.
M: Yes it is! It's not just contradiction.
A: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
M: Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'
A: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!
M: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.

(short pause)

A: No it isn't.
M: It is.
A: Not at all.
M: Now look.
A: (Rings bell) Good Morning.
M: What?
A: That's it. Good morning.
M: I was just getting interested.
A: Sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: That was never five minutes!
A: I'm afraid it was.
M: It wasn't.

Pause

A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
M: What?!
A: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
M: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!
A: (Hums)
M: Look, this is ridiculous.
A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
M: Oh, all right. (pays money)
A: Thank you.

short pause

M: Well?
A: Well what?
M: That wasn't really five minutes, just now.
A: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
M: I just paid!
A: No you didn't.
M: I DID!
A: No you didn't.
M: Look, I don't want to argue about that.
A: Well, you didn't pay.
M: Aha. If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!
A: No you haven't.
M: Yes I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.
A: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
M: Oh I've had enough of this.
A: No you haven't.
M: Oh Shut up. (Walks down the stairs. Opens door.)



M: I want to complain.
C: You want to complain! Look at these shoes. I've only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through.
M: No, I want to complain about...
C: If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.
M: Oh!
C: Oh my back hurts, it's not a very fine day and I'm sick and tired of this office.
M: (Slams door. walks down corridor, opens next door.)
M: Hello, I want to... Ooooh!
H: No, no, no. Hold your head like this, then go Waaah. Try it again.
M: uuuwwhh!!
H: Better, Better, but Waah, Waah! Put your hand there.
M: No.
H: Now..
M: Waaaaah!!!
H: Good, Good! That's it.
M: Stop hitting me!!
H: What?
M: Stop hitting me!!
H: Stop hitting you?
M: Yes!
H: Why did you come in here then?
M: I wanted to complain.
H: Oh no, that's next door. It's being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.
M: What a stupid concept.




Toni

Mon-tee Pie-thon? #:-)