Jan : Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight .

Feb : Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels . Hellllooooo !!!! Bottles won't fit in the printer !!!

Mar : Got really excited - finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months - box said " 2-4 " years !

Apr : Trapped on escalator for hours - power went out !!!!

May : Tried to make kool-Aid - wrong instructions - 8 cups of water won't fit into those tiny packets !!!

Jun : Tried to waterski - couldn't find a lake with a slope .

Jul : Lost breast stoke swimming contest - learned later the other swimmers cheated - they used their arms !

Aug : Got locked out of my car in the rain strom - car swamped because soft top was open .

Sep : The capital of California is " C " - isn't it ???

Oct : Hate Smarties- they are so hard to peel !

Nov : Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days - instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weight 108 !!!

Dec : Couldn't call 911 - duh - there's no eleven buttom on the stupid phone !!!

Great sense of humor. Are you a blonde ? My sweetie is but she is pretty sharp. I have a bunch of good blonde jokes in my files and will share them with you if you want them. Take care..........Al

Needed a laugh, that helped.

Thanks Terri:
My daughter (a Blonde) writes a check for a .68 cent soda at a convienence store, it bounced, She owes the bank $20.00 and the store $20.00, writes another check to each that also bounces. I payed $80.00 for that .68 cent drink.

My blonde daughter's favourite joke:
A blonde lass driving past a cornfield in her sportscar, spots a fellow blonde floundering in a rowing boat!!! She stops the car stands on the seat and shouts out "It's blondes like you that give other blondes like me a bad name! If I could swim I would come over there and put you straight on a few things sweetheart!"

Cheers Phil.

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said,"I want three flat tires , a pair of headlights and a pair of runing boards. ...........The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid , went to the kitchen and said to the cook," This guy out there just ordered three flat tires , a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is an auto parts store?" ............."No", the cook said. "T hree flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."......................."Oh, OK", said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer...............The trucker said,"What are the beans for blondie?".................She replied," I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires , headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up....................FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN.

Blonde is driving down the road a bit fast when she gets stopped by the police.

The officer, also a blonde, gets out of her car and puts on her hat per protocol, walks up to the driver and asks her for her driver’s license.

The driver looks at the officer quizzically and says, “I don’t know if I have one? What’s a license?”

The officer, unflustered, says to the diver, “It’s that thing in your wallet that shows who you are.”

The driver breaks into a big smile and takes out her make up mirror and hands it to the officer.

The officer looks at her reflection in the mirror, looks at the driver, looks at her reflection in the mirror and says to the driver, “Well, if I’d known you were on the police force, I wouldn’t have stopped you!”

That's approaching a classic.

You cans have some good ones !

I love it!!!
How can I get the two car pictures?
Darryl

Three quick and easy ways...one, use the Reply with quote function. That will have the url listed; two, right click on the picture, choose "Properties" from the drop down list and copy the URL Address; three, go to Planet Smilies and look under Machines. Follow Two above. Insert them between IMG tags. You can also just right click and copy and paste the pictures, but you won't be able to use them on-line.

Good ones, Terri. Love blond jokes.

Guy gets on city bus. Front pockets of his pants are absolutely jam-stuffed with golf balls, Weird and ugly looking. He sits down next to a beautiful blonde. She can't help but steal an occasional glance at the pockets and wonder. Finally he notices her looking at his pockets and turns to her. She looks at him and he just says," It's golf balls." She nods and looks down at the pants again.
Then she looks back at him and asks,"Does it hurt as bad as tennis elbow?"

I'll be going now.
Rick

Love this post - Thanks Terri.
I can add a quick one liner to all the blonde jokes -
What do you call a Brunette between two Blondes -- An Interpreter !!

Hey guys!
Not many blonde jokes here... maybe 'cause not many blode girls around here too...
So, please, feel free to send a fiew over if you feel overstuffed!!

i neded a laugh thank to all who contributed will check site again next time trt to add a few of my own all the best mates john

A blonde has a lunch break at her work and she spots a colleguae opening up a thermosflask. She looks at it and asks what that thing is. The colleague says... "Well It is a flask that keeps your cold stuff cold and your hot stuff hot... works like a charm" The Blonde thinks a bit about it and the next day during break she also has a Thermosflask. The colleague comments on this... The blonde answers. " I thought it was such a brilliant invention I bought one myself. "What have you got in it?" the colleague asks. The blonde answers "2 Magnum Icecreams, and one liter of coffee"

What are 5 blonds with their ears against each other? A Windtunnel

My Girlfriend is a blonde. None of the jokes I ever heard do apply to her I have to say.

OK, One more :-),

A blonde goes to the hairdresser to get her hair cut, and she says to him, whatever you do, I'll keep wearing my walkman. The hairdresser says that he can't cut hr hair properly with headphones, but she insists that she wears the headphones.
Halfway the haircut, the hairdresser notices that she has fallen asleep and he thinks:"This is my chance". He takes the headphones off to cut the hair, but she chokes and falls death immediately. He calls 911, starts the kiss of life, but nothing can save her.
Then he picks up the headphones to listen what was on...

Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out..

Peter

(Just a note, my wife and dauhter are both Blondes )

I just remembered another one that I always liked.

A Blonde calls up a friend of hers telling him she has a bit of a problem. What's the matter? he asks. I bought a jigsaw puzzle but It is a really tough one. The pieces don't fit and I can't find the edges of it either. What does the puzzle show when finished? he asks.. A big red rooster she replies.
He eventually decides to come over to give her some help with the puzzle. When he arrives she shows him the puzzle in the kitchen... The guy sighs and says... "Well.. put all the cornflakes back in the box and we will never talk about it again"

There are NO Blonde jokes!

They are all true.

My ex was a real blonde and had more blonde jokes than I thought were possible. She would tell them with the dumb blonde emphisis. Everyone in hearing distance would be on the floor in hysterics.

Bob