You sicko little porkies just better appreciate the fact that I'm on a low-calory - low-pork diet and be nice to me. You little pink hammies just make my mouth water, and all the time, I keep resisting. And what do I get from you ? A bad reputation ! It's about time the truth is revealed.

(++) (++) (++)
I don't know how this whole Big Bad Wolf thing got started, but it's all wrong. Maybe it's because of our diet. Hey, it's not my fault wolves eat cute little animals like bunnies and sheep and pigs. That's just the way we are. If cheeseburgers were cute, folks would probably think you were Big and Bad too. But like I was saying, the whole big bad wolf thing is all wrong. The real story is about a sneeze and a cup of sugar.

THIS IS THE REAL STORY.

Way back in Once Upon a Time time, I was making a birthday cake for my dear old granny. I had a terrible sneezing cold. I ran out of sugar. So I walked down the street to ask my neighbor for a cup of sugar. Now this neighbor was a pig. And he wasn't too bright either. He had built his whole house out of straw. Can you believe it? I mean who in his right mind would build a house of straw? So of course the minute I knocked on the door, it fell right in. I didn't want to just walk into someone else's house. So I called, "Little Pig, Little Pig, are you in?" No answer. I was just about to go home without the cup of sugar for my dear old granny's birthday cake.

That's when my nose started to itch. I felt a sneeze coming on. Well I huffed. And I snuffed. And I sneezed a great sneeze.

And you know what? The whole darn straw house fell down. And right in the middle of the pile of straw was the First Little Pig - dead as a doornail. He had been home the whole time. It seemed like a shame to leave a perfectly good ham dinner lying there in the straw. So I ate it up. Think of it as a cheeseburger just lying there. I was feeling a little better. But I still didn't have my cup of sugar . So I went to the next neighbor's house. This neighbor was the First Little Pig's brother. He was a little smarter, but not much. He has built his house of sticks. I rang the bell on the stick house. Nobody answered. I called, "Mr. Pig, Mr. Pig, are you in?" He yelled back."Go away wolf. You can't come in. I'm shaving the hairs on my shinny chin chin."

I had just grabbed the doorknob when I felt another sneeze coming on. I huffed. And I snuffed. And I tried to cover my mouth, but I sneezed a great sneeze.

And you are not going to believe this, but the guy's house fell down just like his brother's. When the dust cleared, there was the Second Little Pig - dead as a doornail. Wolf's honor. Now you know food will spoil if you just leave it out in the open. So I did the only thing there was to do. I had dinner again. Think of it as a second helping. I was getting awfully full. But my cold was feeling a little better. And I still didn't have that cup of sugarr for my dear old granny's birthday cake. So I went to the next house. This guy was the First and Second Little Pig's brother. He must have been the brains of the family. He had built his house of bricks. I knocked on the brick house. No answer. I called, "Mr Pig, Mr. Pig, are you in?" And do you know what that rude little porker answered? "Get out of here, Wolf. Don't bother me again."
Talk about impolite! He probably had a whole sackful of sugar. And he wouldn't give me even one little cup for my dear sweet old granny's birthday cake. What a pig!

I was just about to go home and maybe make a nice birthday card instead of a cake, when I felt my cold coming on. I huffed And I snuffed. And I sneezed once again.

Then the Third Little Pig yelled, " And your old granny can sit on a pin!" Now I'm usually a pretty calm fellow. But when somebody talks about my granny like that, I go a Little crazy. When the cops drove up, of course I was trying to break down this Pig's door. And the whole time I was huffing and puffing and sneezing and making a real scene.

The rest as they say is history.

The news reporters found out about the two pigs I had for dinner. They figured a sick guy going to borrow a cup of sugar didn't sound very exciting.

So they jazzed up the story with all of that "Huff and puff and blow your house down"

And they made me the Big Bad Wolf. That's it The real story. I was framed.

Gentle readers, the post that G.Failure has just put up is apalling. This typical example of wolf-type justification is laughable. Cup of sugar? This is just piggism at its most blatant.
More worryingly,he seeks to justify his psychotic behaviour to attract more followers to his evil cult. The fluvians seek only to attract the baser members of society to their ranks......DO NOT BE FOOLED! Remember wolf-type-creatures, we will give up our A-10s (with optional anti-wolf missiles(tm)) only when they pry them from our cold,dead,piggy fingers #:-) (++)
Jim (++) (++) (++) (++) (++) (++) (++) (++) (++) (more piggies than you can imagine(tm))

I believe GF is telling the truth......

He would NEVER intentionally harm a poor wittle pig. (++)

I actually volunteered myself into the Brotherhood of the Wolf BEFORE I read this (as evidenced here). I think the wolves are a misunderstood bunch, that's all......

Who in their right mind would turn down a nice ham dinner? So good, the ham melting in your mouth, mmmmmm... I can almost taste it. :-) And don't even get me going on bacon, yum, yum.

And we don't!!!.

A copy from an earlier pig poem seems appropriate for insertion here, (please note the reference to our furry friends near the end).

The Charge of the Pig Brigade

A distant rumbling, a steady sounding beat,
The echoes of dozens of tiny cloved footed feet.
Closer and closer comes this deafening roar,
It’s the charge of the Sty, the Pig’s are at war!
First snorts, then squeals, now bellows of delight,
The Piglets versus the Fluvians, in a heck of a fight.
Fluvians to the left of them, and Fluvians to the right
Never have the pigs seen such a horrible sight.
But these Pigs are fearless, and their empty tummies ROAR,
And the Fluvians flee in panic – fear - and shear horror.
Chomping and chewing the Pigs mow them down,
Until on this battlefield there’s not a single sound.

The Pig’s are victorious, but little do they know,
A lone Wolf is watching, from a den far below.
These Pigs are impressive thinks this Wolf in his fear,
I better not cross them, if I hold my life dear.
So he slinks off to Belgium, there’s nothing he can do,
The Sty rules the world, the Wolf is “old news


Your honor, I rest my case!

Steve

Southern Baked Ham
Categories:
Yield: 1 wolf Servings

12 lb To 14 ham
Water to cover
1 c Brown sugar
Cream or water
Cloves

Soak ham overnight in water. In the morning, put
it on to boil in the same water. Boil til tender.
Remove from kettle, skin the ham. Make a paste of
the brown sugar and cream or water, spread over
ham, stick full of cloves. Bake about an hour.

Tennessee Boiled Ham

1 Tennessee country ham 2 cups sugar
1/2 cup whole cloves 1 cup vinegar
3/4 cup brown sugar 1/4 cup dry mustard

Wash and brush, soak ham overnight. Cook the ham, sugar, and vinegar, at a bare simmer, with only occasional breaking bubbles on the surface, for about 20 minutes per pound, until tender.

Let ham cool in its own liquid. When cool, skin and rub with mixture of 3/4 cup brown sugar and 1/4 cup dry mustard. - add whole cloves.

Brown in 375 degree F oven about 15 minutes.

UPI::Belgium
State police today are investigating General Failure,a wolf.
Witness claim to have heard an old grandmother's screams emmenating from the wolf's den.
According to police reports,an old granny was found in her nightclothes,stuffed in an oven.She claimed the wolf came to her cottage,and captured her,to be baked into a cake.The granny stated that the only thing to save her life,was the wolf running out of sugar.
On a related note,Police are now checking into the dissapearance of one red Rydinghude,the grannie's granddaughter.

Lets not forget the good old standby left-over ham recipes such as.....

Ham Salad

2 cups ground ham 1 cup diced celery
2 boiled eggs chopped fine 1 cup pickle relish

Mix together with mayonaise to moisten, some mustard to taste. Spread on toasted bread, or serve with tomato and lettuce.

Oh, and another favorite.....

Ham and Bean Soup

1 lb. Great Northern white beans 1 chopped medium onion
1 ham hock or diced ham Salt and pepper to taste

Wash and run beans through hot water. Bring to a boil with 8 cups water and 1/2 tsp. salt. Then add smoked ham hocks, simmer slowly approximately 2 hours in covered pot. Braise one chopped onion in butter and when light brown put in bean soup. Season with salt and pepper and serve.

Oh, by the way General Failure, if you ever need any other ideas on how to prepare your pork, try this site:

http://www.country-ham.com/

And this site:

http://www.cooksrecipes.com/category/pork.html

Very good recipes and tips on preparation....... :-)



:-)

Thanks, Jason. Nice to have an alternative here. Some wolves say "if you tasted one pig, you tasted them all", but I don't agree. Some recipes really bring out the best in a pig

About the story with the nanny... I deny all allegations. I suggest we let bygones be bygones and concentrate on modeling ?

FLUVIANS RULE !!!!

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? Not me Oh Danny? FLUVIANS DROOL NOT RULE !!!!! #:-)

Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? Not me Oh Danny? FLUVIANS DROOL NOT RULE !!!!! #:-)

Loup a la flambée.....

Take 4 (or more) (ahem) wolves.
3 cloves of garlic (skinned and chopped)
4 large carrots
onions (to taste)
seasoning.

Gently brown the garlic and the onions in a large pot,peel and dice the carrots, add 5 litres of fresh stock, bring to the boil and then simmer gently for 20-30 minutes. Remove from heat.
Let cool and transfer to suitable container. Hit wolves repeatedly over head with large saucepan, while stunned, transfer wolves to large casserole and put it in the oven. Abandon building and don't look back........ (++)

Ahem, there are four of us now........

We leave one alive to warn others. (++) (++) (++)

Looks like Jim is on our side---here is the June 9th quote of the day posted on the Armorama home page.

Quote--"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
- Sir Winston Churchill


Steve

All Pigs are equal.


Some are more equal than others.

Isn't that a quote from "Lord of the Flies" ? I remember we had to read this in the English class. That was 25 years ago. Either I'm dead wrong or my memory came out quite good after my "cerebro-vasculary incident" :-)

Jan,if I'm not mistaken TankCarl's quote is a spin off of All animals are equal Some animals are more equal than others Which is from George Orwell's book Animal Farm

Yep. We had to read that one too, same teacher. So much for my illusions about my memory . But I still know what pork tastes like ! :-)
Just too bad there's always bits that get stuck between my teeth. I mostly get that with elderly pork. Young juicy piglets don't stick between my teeth so much. I like them pink and tender, not too much spice to ruin the subtle taste. Just let 'em simmer with a few bits of onion and maybe a little garlic and some white wine...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrh ! Damn pig-free diet !!!

Ok Gen.Zod...you get it your way... We do DROOL, but as long as it's on a bunch o pigs...I don't mind. #:-)

Fluvians...prepare for action .........

Some Fluvians are more equal than other pigs... I think I'm gonna write a book too.... Eagle's - Silence of the Hams....and Jan......there is still room for a recipe or two.....

Hanibal the Terrible......

HEY THATS FROM A CHILDRENS BOOK YOU PLAGIRIZER!!! heheheehe........great story tho..........hehehehehe