BANNED FROM WAL-MART...

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.



After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart . Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse.



Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:



Dear Mrs. Animal,



Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against animal are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.



1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking..



2 .. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.



3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.



4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'



5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.



6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.



7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.



8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'



9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.



10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.



11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.



12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ' Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.



13. October 18 : Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'



14. October 21 : When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'





And last, but not least .



15. October 23 : Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Rolling on the floor That was great Dave

My favorites

Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Joe

ROFL

This had me in tears

Thanks

Thank you Dave, I almost shot pop outta my nose! It was #1 that did it. I have contemplated doing stuff like that all the time. Looks like I'm getting banned from OUR Wally-World because those are some GREAT gags!

Thanks for the tips,
Cuhail

You realise that you may have just started a movement

One of the true classic joke emails from the past.

Hilarious! Thank you!

You know you've made it big once you've been banned from Wal-Mart.




These are the ones that made my day!

How dose someone come up with #3? Thanks Dave, I had to laugh so hard!

Cheers, yall!

-Mike-

the first one was a great one !

or the bogies

you always make me laugh animal your a credit to this site

What some guys won't do just ot avoid having to go shopping with the old ball and chain.......

Pretty good ones Dave, I especially liked #10. Almost as good as wandering in off the street wearing a bandoleer full of shotgun shells and asking to check out the selection of Remington Model 870s, my personal best at the one back home in Arkansas, of course, no one thought anything about it being in Arkansas.

hello all,
i was banned from a Walmart for putting "Caution-Wide Load" on the backs of VLW's (Very Large Women).
i am allowed in the store now,but i have a shadow, who i call "George",who follows me around the store.but that is some stories for another time.
great list.
cheers,
Bruce

Well, as a Swede I'm not that familiar with Wal-Mart, but I guess I could live with being banned. Especially when there is video surveillance proof. Did you get copies by the way? Would be the best party booster ever.

However, you were not the only one banned! How did Mrs Animal punish you for THAT feat?

Tony

LMAO!!

Code three!! I'm laughing too hard to type!

Mate that was hillarious! What did your wife say? You have set a trend now!

I did like caution wet floor on the carpet
The condom one was priceless!

MARTYN

You ain't lived till you've played Wal-Mart Bingo

I can't stop laughing. Man this IS brilliant! ANIMAL, you are invited on my next trip to Walmart.

I could'nt stop laughing after reading this; absolutely hilarious.

Very Cool and Funny. LMAO milvehfan

This is the best fun i've ever had during exam periods at school!

That was great. Reminds me of when my friend got kicked out of Hamleys for setting of an entire shelf of Tickle me Elmo's.

When ever I need some cheering up I come back to this thread and laugh my head off !
thanks Animal for the sore ribs !!!! It's all worth it

Thanks for posting this - LMAO !!.
Reminds me of the joke about the guy who got given Viagra by his doctor,took some and then took his wife as she was bending over in the fridge - Trouble is they wo`nt be allowed to shop in Wal- Mart again

No matter how many times I read that joke I always break into laughter.
It seems to get better with age.