AMEN BROTHER !!, You HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD. You don't care about POLITICS, GOVERNMENTS, or anything or anyone else EXCEPT those who are with you.

That is the true meaning of being a "BAND OF BROTHERS" that all combat veterans share, no matter WHICH CONFLICT you have fought in !

GOD BLESS ALL OF THOSE STILL SERVING EVERYWHERE !


ABD

Amen!

Semper Fi,
Dave

To piggy back on what Whiskey 6 and Airborne Dad said "Soldiers don't die for noble causes in far away lands. They go forward freely,and give of themselves, knowing that their buddies on the left and right of them would willingly do the same for them" I read this years ago, and had it memorized at one point, but I may have jumbled it a bit here. This couldn't be more true. I know what you are going thru Scott. Been there, done that and got the matching socks and shirt to show for it. My experiences in Ar-Ramadi and AL-Fallujah during the initial invasion into Iraq forced upon me some of the most inhumane visions I could think of. Things happen you have no control over and you have to deal with it. My spotter and I were tasked to provide overwatch for a foot patrol one hot day in Fallujah. We established ourselves and settled in for what we hoped would be an uneventful stay. About 2 hours into the foot patrol we saw the barrel of a rifle poke out of a window about 400 meters out aimed out our foot patrol. My spotter was on the trigger at the time so I verified his target and he took the shot. The rifle barrel dropped and we sent in a clearing team to clear the building. It was a 12 year old kid with a pellet gun. At 400+ meters we couldn't tell. Things didn't turn out well for the young man and I play this scenario over and over in my head. "what if we.... what if ..",.....etc.etc.etc. When I got home to the states, I shut myself off from a lot of things. And it didn't help. What you are doing is the right thing to do. Talk to people. Maybe those that were there with you, wife, girlfriend, friends anybody willing to listen. If you bottle things up its like a bottle of champagne. At some point the cork is going to blow. I keep in touch with the guys I served with as we all went thru the same crap and can relate to each others problems. Veterans day hits us especially hard when we think of the 42 names on a black ganite stone who were our buddies. Our friends. Our Brothers. Take care. You are not alone.
"Q"

Hi Scott, I'm finding my way through this site and came across your forum. I suffer with PTSD and was diagnosed back in 1995, months within leaving the Royal Marines. I also go to Combat Stress, (Leatherhead), 8 years now. I live in France now since 1997 because of the way I was treated by different government organisations, War Pensions for instance, they keep moving the goal posts!!!!!! I joined in 1969 and was involved, whilst serving in Singapore doing aid work after floods in Bangladesh, we were trawling bodies, human and animal out of the waters and being buried in mass graves, that was my ''start line'' for PTSD and as the years rolled on and the confrentations that the government put our serviemen into took its toll. I served in Northern Ireland (8 tours) 2 peace keeping tours in Cyprus, the first straight after the Turkish invasion and the horrors I wittnessed there was unbelievable, again under the UN banner which has no teeth.
I was involved in covert operations in NI which has had its ''nightmares'' I worked with Special Forces doing anti terrorist work , involved in 2 fatal road accidents and the final nail in the coffin was my tour in the first Iraq war, 7 months plus. I returned to my unit and then the wheels started to fall off . I was Courts Martialed reverted to the ranks, soldier on and then leave the service. In all that time I received no medical treatment for PTSD.
I found that being able to talk about it has helped, but admitting that you have the problem is the biggest step forward.
I'm off to Combat Stress on the 7th June, i attend 3 times a year 2 weeks at a time. The medical system here in France is excellent. Things got really bad in 2005 and I ended up in a French Military hospital for 3 months, and that was the turning point for me in really dealing with the illness.
Sadly my treatment came too late to save my second marriage and my 3 1/2 year relationship has just ended. It has also effected my relationship with my 5 children which I am now trying to rebuild. I have 2 sons in the Army now, and they have 'felt the heat' so to speak. Also 3 Nephews and in all 5 of them I see symptons that I have experienced in the past.
If you want to contact me through the mail system on the site please do. Your not alone out there, hang in there and don't let the b......s grind you down.

Best Wishes Mike

Thanks for the article.
All I can say is DAMN--- and I thought we got sh^t care at the VA.

Hi Guys, At this moment and time I am here at Combat Stress, see the link www.combatstress.org.uk and see what they do for us. I'm destressing, doing a of research for a couple of the campaigns that I'm involved in andtaking treatment onboard.

Regards Mike

Hang in there Scott

scott , we all have our ghost we carry for a very long time with us many people never talk about it or wait many years my grandfather was a marine durning ww2 and never talked about it too much till his last year on earth ,,, myself i still awake at nite with nightmares from iraq always asking why was i left here and friends taking at a young age we do our best to live on and tell our stories of war and what it took too do and give freedom to others for this we are all brothers/sisters in a way that only we understand

All VA's are not alike. I can attest that to the many countless vets who'll drive 3-4 hours to our facility than go to a local one. I wish we didn't get all that extra traffic, but thats the nature of a first class facility coupled with a great Medical school at that. Now if they can just solve the parking problem...

Scott,
I'm not sure what to say. I know this is an older post, but being a father of two little girls, your story has hit me like a bus...
If there is anything you can take away from that experience, it is this:
That little girl was absolutely terrified when you saw her. Your actions showed her some kindness and possibly some serenity in her final moments. What happened was horrible, but no matter what you did differently, it may never have turned out any different. By showing her some humanity, you made a difference in her brief life.
Thank you...
Jamie

Over 34 years ago the helicopter (CH53) I was in banked left and suddenly jerked down. Unknown to us we were being fired upon by some Khmer with a 12.7mm. That abrupt movement threw me forward, sort of bent over at the waist due to the lapbelt. I hit my head on the buttstock of my weapon and was pissed because it hurt. I thought I had broken my nose as blood was on my flak jacket.
When I looked up the guy across from me had blood running from his mouth. The rounds pierced the side, went through him, over me and out the other side. I realized there was sunlight streaming through three holes about where my head should have been.
We landed shortly thereafter in the rain. Made me think.
It never really goes away. For me certain smells trigger memories.
I have now done 30 years in law enforcement, and have seen just as much as before. The advantage I had was my co-workers, and the comraderie in the police department. PTSD wasn't something we knew about then, oh it was there allright, but not really well defined as it is today.
Hang in there bro, we're here for ya.

Dear Scott,
I have never served in the forces but my partner has. He searved in the Gulf, Germany and NI. He sufferes from post traumatic stress dissorder when he saw a situation simalar to yours. However his was envolving a bomb. The nights are awful and the days go between good and bad. He sees everything and night and some nights i littrely have to force him to come to bed with me. I make sure that am always awake untill he goes to sleep. Sometimes its hard for partnes as well as when he is down or quiet its sometimes hard to forget that its his PTSD not me that he is annoyed about. All i remember is when he wants to talk he will.
He still can not talk about what happened and im not going to say as its not fair on him only that can be his disision not mine but it is like i said it is very close to your experence. Its a really delicate subject for him. I do try and get things out of him but he just clams up and then i leave it. I dont want to push him or ever make him uncomfortable.
Anyway i cant understand really what your going through but i do get little snipits from him every now and again. The usuall time is when he screams at night that when i can tell that he is re living it. Which is usually every night.
He also attends Combat Stress and is going in a few weeks time. He has only been once and he was really bad. He ended up not coming out of his room untill the last day. he wouldnt talk to me because he thaught it was my fault he was in there. Untill he started talking to people there he thaught he was the only one going through it. Now however i think that he understands that he is not the only one. He is anciouse about going but i suppose thats because its stepping into the unknown and that he wont know people there. He just has to be strong and i know that he is as he fights things every day.
He has been suicidal but i know that with the help of combat stress he will do really well and hopfully they will be able to help him to start talking about things. I hope that he can start talking about it because i think it could help him.
Anyway all i want to say to everyone is that i hope that if they do suffer from this then please find the help. Keep your heads up and if things do feel bad then look for help.
I wrote thease words for my partner.
When life seems so distant
And your spirit is trapped
You can’t find the way out
And all is black

Remember there are people round you
Who can whistle those fears away
And who love you for everything
And not what you say

Tell people how you’re feeling
And not bottle it up
For life is for living
And not giving up

Anyway please think of those words if you find it hard. I know words are words but sometimes they can help.
Heather

Hello Scott,
I just read your story and I can relate to what you are going through. I am a Vietnam vet and was wounded twice at the ripe old age of 20. I watched a kid beside me, at arms length, die instantly after taking a round in the head. He was 3 days shy of his 20th birthday.
It didn't affect me until I came home and then everything seemed to fall apart.
Dealing with that and the way veterans were treated at that time was really tough.
Many nights I used to sit and ask why I made it and not him.
The thing that saved me I think was the birth of my daughter and my belief in a higher power. It stillwas not an easy road to travel but each day it got a little easier to keep going.
I still think about it from time to time and perhaps one day I will find out the answer to my question. WHY?

You are not alone my friend because there are many of us out here. Keep a positive attitude and take it one day at a time.
There are many support groups out there to help you also and it is good to talk about it and not keep it bottled up inside.
I hope everything goes well with you my friend. Thanks for your service and sacrifices.

Bill
Vietnam 66-67

I know this is an older posting but I was reading it and followed Scotts thread. This saddened me as the tale has a few inaccuracies most of us (ex-forces) will recall exact things equipment, weapons etc. None of us forget calibres of weapons, UK forces do not use 40mm (well not for many many years). Rules of Engagenent where very clear, and I still have my ROE card from OP Grapple (1). The ROE was simple if fired upon, return fire, if your life was in danger, return fire- shout warning unless it would endanger yourself further. Mass graves, no mass graves during the '92 - '93 tour. UNPROFOR - United Nations PROtection FORce. The UN Mandate was pretty strict, the French in Sarajevo had a looser definition and mounted plenty of Anti-Sniper Ops.

I left the Forces with depression (recovered now), I didn't think it was PTSD at the time but maybe it was. I have lost friends and seen many things and I always feel for all veterans and their families it's a tough job and the support was not always there. These days things are better but the scars remain.

So there it is laid bare, I would like to here what Scott's Regiment was and where he was based. I only did two tours in Bosnia (both UN), but I my abiding thought is simple - Once you have visited the Balkans, you leave a little of your soul behind.

To all those that have had lucky escapes and still have the fears or scars my thoughts are with you all.

Best wishes

Brian

The VA Medical Center in Durham, NC is superb! Well organized. Excellent staff. Good facility. Affiliated with the Duke University Medical School. I have only been there twice so far to be evaluated, but both times were a good experience.....better than any civilian hospital I have been in.

Semper Fi,
Dave