1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?

9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.

13. Think about this..., No one ever says "It's only a game." when his team is winning.

14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of OLD LADIES running around with tattoos? (And RAP music will be the Golden Oldies!)

18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a BMW than in a Yugo.

19. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

Dave
I think it's spelled "CRAP" but the C is silent except when it's playing.
And when I find the guy that resurected Disco, there is gonna be hell to pay!

By "kindness" do you mean his daily ration of two milk bones, if he deserves them or not? I must be pretty kind then because I have a hard time getting my Golden Retriever to NOT wag his tail, especially around my models.




How true, how true. I've learned how to type one handed on my laptop just because I've made the mistake of scratching my dog's ears.




We've got thousands of OLD LADIES running around with tattoos NOW. Honestly have you ever noticed that the more likely somebody is to have a tattoo the more likely they are to think that everybody in the world wants to see it, no matter the ugly body it's tattooed on?





I couldn't agree with you more. I can take virtually any kind of music, except that garbage.

I remember seeing a cartoon not too long ago. Two old guys who are covered in tattoos are in hospital beds beside each other. One says to the other, "So you were a screw up in the 90's too, eh?"

Wow, that is so true. Got a call at 3:30 am this morning. Father-in-law was having breathing problems and the mother-in-law was running him to the ER.
(He is fine, they are going to give him some breathing treatments and keep him overnight)

I dread those early am phone calls.

Shaun

13. Think about this..., No one ever says "It's only a game." when his team is winning.

Thats true, when me and my team play football and get hammered we always joke and say that "it's only a game".

On the rare occasion when we are winning we will do our best to hammer the other team, it becomes more than a game.

It's only the losers who say that expression.

Jamie

Hmm Thanks for calling me a loser because I do say that

Heres another one

Why do kamakazi piolits were helmets.

Been there, done that.. Not a T-shirt i want to buy again... Ever...


Dave

Amen to #12 Never good news if it's not a wrong number!