The Philippines is a country beset with poverty, economic problems, political problems, backward development, etc. Add in a civil war and you will call it a modern hell.

Inexplicably, there are still a lot of foreigners who want to come and experience life here. And they enjoy it very much. Some even go to the point of actually living in this third world country. The key is to try to blend in with our strange culture. Being one of us is really weird, exciting, fun and funny.

Here is a "taste" of strange Filipino culture. You might find this amusing. This came from a British journalist named Matthew Sutherland who fell in love with our strange culture.

This is word for word. It's quite long but I guarantee you, you'll have fun reading it.
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Matter of Taste
by Matthew Sutherland

I have now been in this country for over six years, and consider myself in most respects well-assimilated. However, there is one key step on the road to full assimilation which I have yet to take, and that's to eat BALUT. The day any of you sees me eating balut, please call immigration and ask them to issue me a Filipino passport, because at that point there will be no turning back. BALUT, for those still blissfully ignorant non-Pinoys out there, is a fertilized duck egg. It is commonly sold with salt in a piece of newspaper, much like English fish and chips, by street vendors usually after dark, presumably so you can't see how gross it is. It's meant to be an aphrodisiac, although I can't imagine anything more likely to dispel sexual desire than crunching on a partially-formed baby duck swimming in noxious fluid. The embryo in the egg comes in varying stages of development, but basically it is not considered macho to eat one without fully discernable feathers, beak, and claws. Some say these crunchy bits are the best. Others prefer just to drink the so-called 'soup', the vile, pungent liquid that surrounds the aforementioned feathery fetus...excuse me, I have to go and throw up now. I'll be back in a minute.

Food dominates the life of the Filipino. People here just love to eat. They eat at least eight times a day. These eight official meals are called, in order: breakfast, snacks, lunch, merienda (mid afternoon snack), pica-pica (tidbits), pulutan (drinking tidbits), dinner, and no-one-saw-me-take-that-cookie-from-the-fridge-so-it-doesn't-count.

The short gaps in between these mealtimes are spent eating Sky Flakes (a brand of biscuit) from the open packet that sits on every desktop. You're never far from food in the Philippines. If you doubt this, next time you're driving home from work, try this game. See how long you can drive without seeing food and I don't mean a distant restaurant, or a picture of food. I mean a man on the sidewalk frying fish balls, or a man walking through the traffic selling nuts or candy. I bet it's less than one minute.

Here are some other things I've noticed about food in the Philippines. Firstly, a meal is not a meal without rice-even breakfast. In the UK, I could go a whole year without eating rice. Second, it's impossible to drink without eating. A bottle of San Miguel beer just isn't the same without gambas (deep friend shrimp) or beef tapa (dried beef). Third, no one ventures more than two paces from their house without “baon” (packed meal) and a container of something cold to drink. You might as well ask a Filipino to leave home without his pants on. And lastly, where I come from, you eat with a knife and fork. Here, you eat with a spoon and fork. You try eating rice swimming in fish sauce with a knife.

One really nice thing about Filipino food culture is that people always ask you to SHARE their food. In my office, if you catch anyone attacking their baon, they will always go, "Sir! KAIN TAYO!" ("Sir, let's eat!"). This confused me, until I realized that they didn't actually expect me to sit down and start munching on their boneless bangus (a tasty fish). In fact, the polite response is something like, "No thanks, I just ate." But the principle is sound if you have food on your plate you are expected to share it, however hungry you are, with those who may be even hungrier. I think that's great.

In fact, this is frequently even taken one step further. Many Filipinos use "Kumain ka na? ("Have you eaten yet?" as a general greeting, irrespective of time of day or location.

Some foreigners think Filipino food is fairly dull compared to other Asian cuisines. Actually lots of it is very good: Spicy dishes like Bicol Express (strange, a dish named after a train); anything cooked with coconut milk; anything KINILAW (raw like Japanese sushi); and anything ADOBO (deep fried with oil and vinegar). And it's hard to beat the sheer wanton, cholesterholic frenzy of a good old-fashioned LECHON de leche (roast pig) feast. Dig a pit, light a fire, add 50pounds of animal fat on a stick, and cook until crisp. Mmm, mmm... you can actually feel your arteries constricting with each successive mouthful.

I also share one key Pinoy trait ---a sweet tooth!! I am thus the only foreigner I know who does not complain about sweet bread, sweet burgers, sweet spaghetti, sweet banana ketchup, and so on. I am a man who likes to put jam on his pizza. Try it! It's the weird food you want to avoid.

In addition to duck fetus in the half-shell, items to DEFINITELY TRY (but you will need courage) in the Philippines include pig's blood soup (DINUGUAN); bull's testicle soup, the strangely-named "SOUP NUMBER FIVE" (I dread to think what numbers one to four are); and the ubiquitous, stinky shrimp paste, BAGOONG, and it's equally stinky sister, PATIS. Filipinos are so addicted to these latter items that they will even risk arrest or deportation trying to smuggle them into countries like Australia and the USA, which wisely ban the importation of items you can smell from more than 100 paces. Then there's the small matter of the blue ice cream. I have never been able to get my brain around eating blue food; the ubiquitous UBE (a sort of cassava or root crop) leaves ube cold. And lastly on the subject of weird food, beware: that KALDERETANG KAMBING (goat) could well be KALDERETANG ASO (dog)...

The Filipino, of course, has a well-developed sense of food. Here's a typical Pinoy food joke: "I'm on a seafood diet." "What's a seafood diet?" "When I see food, I eat it!" Filipinos also eat strange bits of animals--- the feet, the head, the guts, etc., usually barbecued on a stick. These have been given witty names, like "ADIDAS" (chicken's feet); "KURBATA" (either just chicken's neck, or "neck and thigh" as in "neck-tie"); "WALKMAN" (pigs ears); "PAL"(chicken wings); "HELMET" (chicken head);"IUD" (chicken intestines), and BETAMAX" (video-cassette-like blocks of animal blood). Yum yum.

Bon appetit.

(My own addition. When I went to the province to visit a friend, I was offered their own version of coffee...burnt rice soaked in boiling water. This was strained through a clay pot. The liquid was then poured into a cup and sugar was added to taste. It's like drinking burnt water but it tastes great.)

Equally strange in our culture is how we name our places and kids. Here is another article by the same author about our names:

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When I arrived in the Philippines from the UK six years ago, one of the first cultural differences to strike me was names. The subject has provided a continuing source of amazement and amusement ever since. The first unusual thing, from an English perspective, is that everyone here has nickname. In the staid and boring United Kingdom, we have nicknames in kindergarten, but when we move into adulthood we tend, I am glad to say, to lose them. The second thing that struck me is that Philippine names for both girls and boys tend to be what we in the UK would regard as overbearingly cutesy for anyone over about five. Fifty-five-year-olds colleague put it. Where I come from, a boy with a nickname like Boy Blue or Honey Boy would be beaten to death at school by pre-adolescent bullies, and never make it to adulthood. So, probably, would girls with names like Babes, Lovely, Precious, Peachy or Apples. Yuk, ech ech. Here, however, no one bats an eyelid.

Then I noticed how many people have what I have come to call "door-bell names". These are nicknames that sound like -well, door-bells. There are millions of them. Bing, Bong, Ding, and Dong are some of the more common. They can be, and frequently are, used in even more door-bell-like combinations such as Bing-Bong, Ding-Dong, Ting-Ting, and so on. Even one of our current Senator and Presidential Candidate has a doorbell name Ping (Senator Ping Lacson). None of these door-bell names exist where I come from, and hence sound unusually amusing to my untutored foreign ear. Someone once told me that one of the Bings, when asked why he was called Bing, replied "because my brother is called Bong". Faultless logic. Dong, of course, is a particularly funny one for me, as where I come from "dong" is a slang word of well, perhaps "talong" (eggplant) is the best Tagalog equivalent.

Repeating names was another novelty to me, having never before encountered people with names like Len-Len, Let-Let, Mai-Mai, or Ning-Ning. The secretary I inherited on my arrival had an unusual
one: Leck-Leck. Such names are then frequently further refined by using the "squared" symbol, as in Len2 or Mai2. This had me very confused for a while.

Then there is the trend for parents to stick to a theme when naming their children. This can be as simple as making them all begin with the same letter, as in Jun, Jimmy, Janice, and Joy. More imaginative parents shoot for more sophisticated forms of assonance or rhyme, as in Biboy, Boboy, Buboy, Baboy (notice the names get worse the more kids there are-best to be born early or you could end up being a Baboy (pig)).

Even better, parents can create whole families of, say, desserts (Apple Pie, Cherry Pie, Honey Pie) or flowers (Rose, Daffodil, Tulip). The main advantage of such combinations is that they look great painted across your trunk if you're a cab driver. That's another thing I'd never seen before coming to Manila -- taxis with the driver's kids' names on the trunk. Another whole eye-opening field for the foreign visitor is the phenomenon of the "composite" name. This includes names like Jejomar (for Jesus, Joseph and Mary), and the remarkable Luzviminda (for Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao, the three main island groups of the Philippines, believe it or not). That's a bit like me being called something like "Engscowani" (for England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland). Between you and me, I'm glad I'm not.

And how could I forget to mention the fabulous concept of the randomly inserted letter 'h'. Quite what this device is supposed to achieve, I have not yet figured out, but I think it is designed to give a touch of class to an otherwise only averagely weird name. It results in creations like Jhun, Lhenn, Ghemma, and Jhimmy. Or how about Jhun-Jhun (Jhun2)? How boring to come from a country like the UK full of people with names like John Smith. How wonderful to come from a country where imagination and exoticism rule the world of names.

Even the towns here have weird names; my favorite is the unbelieveably-named town of Sexmoan (ironically close to Angeles, which means Angels). Where else in the world could that really be true?

The Philippines has a senator named Joker, and it is his legal name.

Where else in the world could the head of the Church really be named Jaime Cardinal Sin? It is his legal name. He is a male but his first name is Jaime!

Where else but the Philippines!

Here's another one. Some of these are exagerrations but they truly reflect what you would expereince if you have a Filipna wife.....and our culture.

You will know that you are married to a Filipna wife if......

- Your refrigerator is always full but you cannot find any food that you recognize.
- Instead of a dowry, you got the whole bill for the wedding and honeymoon.
- Most of the decorations in your house are made of wicker.
- You are expected to be able to read her mind just by watching her eyebrows move up and down
and which way her lips are pointed.
- All her relatives think your name is Joe.
- The instant you are married you have 3000 new close relatives that you can't tell apart.
- Your house isn't really on fire, but there is a very charred fish right on top of the stove burner.
- All the desserts are sticky and all the snacks are salty.
- She eats her fruit with giant salt crystals and her fried chicken with ketchup.
- Even the ketchup tastes weird... very weird.
- You throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin off a dead pig.
- All your kids have 4-5 middle names.
- Your in-laws take 10 years to acknowledge your existence and to call you by something other
than "that white guy".
- You try to call her up on the phone and someone tells you "for a while" and you want to
know "for a while, what??"
- You are trying to go to sleep and she keeps asking for the comFORT'r, and you ain't got a
clue what she's talking about...
- Your first Christmas present is some funny looking baggy see-thru shirt made out of
leftover lace doilies.
- Your phone bills are all international and average 3 hours per call.
- She sweeps with something that witches usually fly around on.
- Her idea of classy, expensive champagne is Asti Spumanteh
- The rice cooker is on 24 hours a day and uses up 50% of your electric and food budget.
- On your first trip to the Philippines, you have 18 giant boxes that weigh 1000
pounds each and your "carry on" luggage requires a small forklift truck.
- The same luggage is over filled with things that cost an average of 15 cents each like
old magazines and M&Ms -- the worst part is when you get off the plane, the same
stuff you've been hauling around half way around the world is available in every
store in the airport for half the price!
- All her pajamas look like they were worn by the Dalai Lama until they got too faded.
- The first time she's pregnant you have to go out at 4:00 in the morning looking for some
weird type of greasy sausages, green mangoes and bagoong (shrimp paste).
- You buy a new freezer so she can store 200 pounds of SPAM and CORNED BEEF
that was on sale.
- Everything in your house was bought on sale, even if you don't need it .. as long
as it was a "bargain" is all that matters.
- She gets really excited by sucking the fat out of pig knees.
- All your postage bills instantly double.
- You hire a yaya (babysitter or maid) because your wife thinks you clean mirrors with soap and a sponge and the yaya seems cheaper than a divorce.
- The only "white meat" she likes is YOU, and that's if you're lucky...
- Her favorite sauce is called patis (fish sauce), Americans call it turpentine.
- She actually thinks that bowling and golf and billiards are real sports and are more important
than baseball and football.
- You were married and made love for 5 years before she explained to you that "ARAY!" doesn't mean "ooh, baby!" (ARAY is the equivalent of OUCH)
- She prefers bistek to beef steak.
- Her idea of new upholstery is rinsing the bagoong (fish or shrimp paste) stains out of the slip covers.
- She can eat and talk at the same time, in fact that's her specialty!
- Her favorite meal is leftovers
- Her favorite fancy dessert is Jello mold and for something REALLY romantic, she'll offer you a halo-halo (a cold beverage made of crushed ice and mixed with ube, yam beans, jello, ice cream, bananas, pineapples, other fruits and milk) with 2 straws
- You still don't know what's the difference between manong (sir) and manok (chicken).
- She and the kids are always saying "Daddy made utot" and you still don't know what it
means, but they think it's pretty funny. (Utot means fart)
- Other than eyebrow raising and lip puckering, her next most expressive form of communication
is grunts and "pssst's"
- She goes to the movies just for the air conditioning.
- Her homeland has more malls than islands.
- Before every holiday and visit, her sisters fax you a 10 page "bilin" list which
says "suggestion only".
- Your kitchen table has a merry-go-round in the middle.
- All the vegetables she buys at the Filipino store look like they were grown at Chernobyl.
- Your in-law's first visit lasted 5 years.
- Her friends are named Chinky, Girlie, Boy and Bimbo and you are not allowed to smirk.
- Her home economics course only taught shopping, eating and siesta; cooking, cleaning
and sewing were not electives.
- Her idea of edifying reading is gossip magazines.
- All your place settings has the silverware backwards and there are no knives.
- She washes her hair with a bucket and her car with a broom.
- She uses an umbrella even if it's not raining.
- Her favorite book is "1001 New Recipes for Pig Parts You Were Gonna Throw Out"
- You are the only family in a 200 mile radius with 2 VCRs, 3 televisions.
- She's done her best job planning a surprise party for you if she manages not to tell you about it until a week or two before.
- She "cleans" her closet by throwing all the junk into your closet.
- There's always singing in your house, even when the radio's off.
- Your own mom, who was lukewarm about your marriage originally, now calls you long distance...to talk to your wife, not to you.
- Your family announces that in the unlikely event of a divorce between you and your wife, she will always have a place to stay, but you better find a new family.
- Your wife asks to get a job so that you will both have a little extra money, then thanks you for not complaining about having to drive her to work.
- Your wife has a contagious smile.
- You both decide to divide your spare income, and you spend yours on a computer game or a power tool, only to learn that she spent her money buying clothes for you.
- She might not have had a second pair of shoes growing up, but she's rapidly making up for lost time.
- Everything in your house is "namebrand".
- You have a Western Union "Preferred Customer" card. Really.
- You complain when your wife tells you that longaniza (sausage) is only for breakfast.
- You learn to like rice, even plain.
- You have a budget.
- She may only tell you she loves you once in awhile. But, she SHOWS you that she
loves you in everything she does and says.
- You go to sleep each night knowing you're the luckiest man in the world.
- AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: you are pretty proud of yourself because you think you
snagged up for yourself some unique, rare, tropical goddess type until you go
to the Philippines and can't tell her apart from anyone else in the whole country (unless
she's taller than 5'1", then it's a bit easier)

Beautiful! And priceless. The first one made me think I was reading about somewhere on the Discworld. Thanks Angela :-)

Vinnie

Thanks Vinnie.

And oh, another strange practice. Let's assume that you are a with a group of Filipinos eating around a table. You are down to the last pork chop on the table.

Don't be surprised if no one is going to get that last piece of pork-chop. No one has the guts/courage/conscience to take it. To be the person who will take it is considered embarassing.

The reason? Someone might still be hungry. He/she might want that piece. And to think that EVERYONE in the table thinks the same way. So that last piece remains untouched.

Oh yeah, another thing. We have a ninth meal and it's the first meal of the day. Breakfast? Nope. We call it "pa-init" which means "to warm up." It usually consists of bread and coffee and is taken on the wee hours of dawn. Oh yeah, we dip the bread in the coffee before we eat it. It makes it softer and tastier. Mmmm.....A few hours later, we eat breakfast.

About the strange names, I'd like to share one too. There is a community in the island where I live that is named "Looc." In our dialect, it means "to choke someone." One of the roads in this place is named "Salvage." In our dialect, it means "to ambush and kill." Ironically, these are very peaceful places.

Hi Angela

That was a breath of fresh air to read after a hard day in work and very funny thanks for taking the time and effort to post those interesting articles.
Cheers Chris

Angela

Thanks Those were great. :-) :-) I needed a laugh. After reading that last one I think I know where I want to go on vacation next year.
Great stuff
Harry

Thank you everyone

While those above reflect on a tiny aspect of the general culture here in the Philippines, this link connects you to a site in Cebu.

It will provide you a glimpse the city/province/island where Iive. The nice thing about this site is that it does not "praise" or "criticize" my place.

The writers (actually expatriates) pointed out facts, advantages and disadvantages about my place that makes you curious, amazed, stupified, etc. (actually, it makes you laugh). I think you'll find this very interesting. Just click on the pics on "Cebu Visitor's Guide" and anything else clicable.

I tell you one thing though....we may be a very poor country. We may be unable to compete with other nations on economic or technological advancements. Hell, I think even your lowest earner can be the most elite of the elite here.

But we have the richest culture and quirks in Asia. We are a very happy and proud people, even if most of us are improvished. We still find time to laugh and to enjoy ourselves. We are a very resilient people, despite the horrible things that happened to us from within and without. We are a very friendly and warm people.

Since we have been conquered by so many races, our ways of living are weird and outright funny. You'll like it.:

http://www.wayblima.com/cebu-visitors-guide.shtml

I can tell you one thing. My humble Cebu is paradise.

Just two things to consider:

1) We are a third world country. You might find our facilities and what we have to offer far too low for your standards. So please be considerate.
2) The exchage rate is PHP54 to 1$USD as of today. So you could better understand this, the minimum wage of our country is P200 per day. That is roughly $4 per day.

Angela

Thanks for the look into your world Angela.. I think Im going to go get something to eat... *heads for the fridge* Balut anyone :-)

Dave

Filipinos, particulary Cebuanos (that's me), just wanna have fun!

It even shows in our names and other signs. Here are some of the weird and wonderful signs you'll find here in the Philippines. I'll put a parenthesis on translations and explanations so you can understand how weird, strange and fun Filipinos are:

Names of Establishments

- Jealous Neighbor (name of an eatery)
- Tapsi Turbi (for tapa, sinigang, turon and barbecue. These are kind of food)
- Tom Cruz Grille (Tom Cruise grille?)
- Sylvester Salon
- Beery Good ( a beer joint)
- Obeertime (another beer joint)
- James Tailor (name of a dressmaking shop)
- Bill Gets
- Austin Powers (name of a auto mechanic shop)
- Cainta Key Fried Chicken (name of a restaurant which specializes in fried chicken in a place called Cainta)
- Petal Attraction (name of a flower shop)
- Cleo Pata ( a restaurant that serves "pata" a kind of food)
- Quattro Chic (next door to a competiting shop named Tres Chic)
- Conan D' Barbershop
- Farmacia with Love (name of a drugstore)
- Elizabeth Tailoring (name of a dress shop)
- Peter Pan de Sal ( a bakery which includes "pan de sal" a kind of bread)

Announcements and Ads:

- We make antique and modern furniture!
- Cooked ice for sale
- Notary Public: We accept laundry on Sundays
- Fresh Frozen Chicken for sale here
- Owner for sale
- Oof line (on an ATM machine which has been off line)
- Welcome to the Philippines, the only Catholic Country in Asia (and under that BEWARE OF PICKPOCKETS)
- Philippine Rabbit turns Turtle (tabloid headline regarding a bus from a bus company called Philippine Rabbit. The bus figured out in an accident)

Names of real people (fusion between half of the father's name and half of the mother's name):

- Vandolph (Mommy Vanessa and Daddy Dolphy)
- Pauvi (Daddy Paul and Mommy Virgie)
- Bonnie (Mommy Bopeep and Daddy Ernie. Note that "Bopeep in itself is a weird name)
- Amuerfina (name of a girl named after America, Europe and Filipinas)

Names of real people whose name coincides with an important event:

- Rombit (named after Daddy Romeo because the baby look a "bit" like him)
- Ski Love (name of a girl whose birthdate falls on the date when Sky Lab fell to earth)
- Backpay (named when her father received a company backpay)
- Usfip (not sure but this sounds truly weird)

Names fo people named after popular product brands:

- Coke
- Pantene
- Rolex
- Pepsi

Names of people named after global figures. Ironically, these peace loving people are named after leaders responsible for wiping out millions of other people. These are just thier first names and does not include surnames:

- Ben Hur
- Karl Marx
- Rommel
- Genghis Khan
- Mao Stalin (double whammy!!)

Names that are just truly weird:

- Beetle, Cricket, Mosqui and Gamby (names of four beautiful kids. Gamby is a shortcut of "gagamba", the Tagalog word for spider. A family of insects, indeed)
- Bourbon, Brandy, Whisky and Dimples (names of four cool kids. Dimples is a brand of whisky)
- Faith and her sister Hope
- Rolls and his sister Royce
- Healthy and her brother Wealthy
- Hunter and his brother Fisher
- Ma and her brother Jong
- Bollix
- Bunny Pages (a hulking friend of mine who is also an entreprenuer. You pronounce his last name as "Pa-hes")
- Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (three friends of mine. They are all sisters)

Angela

Another article by Matthew Sutherland about the Philippines and our strange culture

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Signs of the Times

By Matthew Sutherland

IN MY article titled "For a While" about idiosyncratic Filipino English, I touched on the matter of strange signs. The first one you see upon leaving an airplane at NAIA, "Please watch your steps," is a case in point. There are, however, many other signs I have seen around town that made me laugh when I first saw them.

There was a time when the South Expressway had a series of excellent signs. One of my favorites has for many years been "Smoke belchers will be prosecuted." One reason I like this is that I have never, in all the years the sign has been there, seen a smoke-belching vehicle being prosecuted. Yet I have many, many times been forced to drive behind a bus in an all-enveloping cloud of pitch-black noxious smoke, praying for the prosecutors to leap out and do their thing.

The second aspect is that although the sign obviously refers to vehicles, the word belch (after all, a human bodily function) makes it sound like a warning to humans not to belch smoke. You may think that sounds idiotic, but ironically I had a school friend whose party trick was belching smoke. We used to sneak out for illegal cigarettes during breaks and my friend would literally swallow his cigarette smoke (don't try this at home, kids). He would then sit in the next class and burp, and every time he burped a little puff of smoke would come out. It used to drive the teachers crazy trying to figure out where the smoke was coming from. Anyway, my friend would surely have been prosecuted on the South Expressway.

Another sign I like on the Expressway is "Slow Moving Vehicles Keep Right." It amuses me because most of the time, all the vehicles on the expressway are moving slowly. I have this mental image of them all obediently sitting in the right hand lane with the other two lanes totally devoid of traffic. In actuality, the designation of the traffic lanes (from left to right) as "fast, slow and hard shoulder" would be more accurately expressed as "slow, slower, and For-buses-traveling-at-full-pelt-belching-black- smoke-and-tilting-over-at-a-crazy-30-degree-angle."

My current absolute favorite expressway sign can be found traveling north towards Manila on the approach to the Skyway. About two miles before the Skyway on-ramp, there is a sign which says "Don't Change Lane." About a mile later, there is another sign which says "Strictly Don't Change Lane." I love this. It's like, "Well, you know, in the first sign, we weren't being really serious, you know, like just a kind of suggestion, really, but in the second sign, boy, now we really mean business." The good news is that we drivers are now totally within our legal rights to ignore all traffic signs that don't have the word "Strictly" in them. When stopped by the cops, we can now say "Well, yes, officer, I did see the sign that says 'No Right Turn,' but as it didn't say 'Strictly No Right Turn,' I just didn't take it all that seriously." And they'd have to let us off the hook.

Ironically, of course, people totally ignore even the "Strictly Don't Change Lane" sign. Especially, of course--you guessed it--the smoke belching bloody buses. These elect to change lane about three yards before the Skyway ramp. Do not be surprised, therefore, if there is soon a third sign, even closer to the Skyway on-ramp, which says something like "No, Really, Guys, This Time We Are NOT Kidding, Don't Mess With Us--DON'T CHANGE LANE!"

Enough about the skyway. There are many other hilarious signs around. The funniest I ever saw (even though it had tragic roots) was on a Makati construction site a few years back. On this particular site, a carpenter working several stories up (as ever, without attaching himself to the building) slipped and fell off. His fall was broken by a pedestrian walking along the sidewalk below. The pedestrian died; the carpenter survived. For some time after this, the construction site had a sign outside saying "Beware Falling Carpenters." My other favorite construction sign is one I once saw on a stretch of road that was being concreted. The sign said "Slow Man At Work." This is excellent because of course it implies (a) that there was only one man employed on the site, and (b) that he wasn't just any old man, he was a slow man. Inevitably, of course, there was actually no-one working there at all. Slow Man Asleep Somewhere Nearby would have been a more accurate summation of the situation.

Once, driving somewhere in Batangas, I saw a sign outside a house that said "Texas for sale." I thought this was an attempt to fool some redneck promdi into trying to buy one of the biggest states in the USA, much like we Brits once fooled the Americans into buying London Bridge (now erected in the Arizona desert) because they thought it was Tower Bridge. Anyway, that's another story. Turns out that in this context Texas is merely a breed of fighting cock, but the sign made me smile anyway.

Another category of funny signs is those where slightly sloppy grammar results in signs that don't quite mean what they say. One widespread example is "No Parking On Both Sides Of The Road." Well, you'd need a very wide vehicle to park on both sides of the road. I saw another good one recently near the Meralco building: "No Writing On All Walls." Hmmm. So it's OK to write on some of the walls, as long as I don't write on all the walls, huh?

Here are some more amusing signs that you can find in this country. As I told you, we may be an economically poor country but we can have a great time all day, every day even in the simplest terms:

1) Impotence Demo (name of a shop selling impotency curing drugs)
2) Slow Men at Work
3) Before pay, tell where get the on and where get the off (a sign in a jeepney. For those who don't know what a jeepney is, read the link I provided about Cebu a few posts before this)
3) Pull string to stop driver. (another sign in a jeepney)
4) Dont close to me, close to God (and yet another sign in the jeepney)
5) 2nd floor upstairs ( a sign in a hotel)

6) Cooking ng ina mo (name of an eatery. It translates to "your mother's cooking"). Across this eatery is another one called....
7) Cooking ng ina mo rin (which translates to "your mother's cooking, too")
8) Curl Up and Dye (the name of a hair salon)

9) A humorous Philippine poem:

"Love is an intention,
that goes with affection,
with the intent of injection,
done in the midsection,
in a preferred position,
during a private session."

10) A typical Filipino joke:

Teacher: "Pedro, use 'deposit' in a sentence."

Pedro: "That's easy, 'D' posit is leaking.'"

Teacher: "No, no, no, you got it wrong, let me explain it to you further. You know .....BANK.....DEPOSIT..... see the relationship....BANK .......DEPOSIT.....?"

Pedro: "Oh, I got it."

Teacher: "Okay, I'll give you another chance, use 'deposit' in a sentence."

Pedro: "D' posit in the bank is leaking."

Angela -

Thanks for some of the most enjoyable reading in some time! Such a refreshing, interesting, and humorous look at another diverse culture. You definitely have a very "personable" style of writing; informative, creative, humorous, and professional all rolled into one special package. Really enjoyed the opportunity to share in your unique and wonderful culture. Thanks,

Blade48mrd

I can't count the times that I've been there. (Don't ask)
I love the people, and the culture very much. I just wish things were better economy wise for you there. It pains me to know that there's some element or level of corruption that is slowing the good citizens and hard workers of the P.I.down from being a major player in today's global economy. I've been to 26 countries (Don't ask) and I have seen people that are completely comfortable having nothing, and I've seen countries with people like yours, hard workers and good good citizens that are working way to hard for the rewards that they're recieving and its a shame. I see it in the peoples spirit that they want so much more. I wish there was more that could be done.
There are only a handfull of countries that I would sacrifice an arm or a leg to help if the call ever comes and the P.I. is very close to the top of my list.
May God Bless you and your marvelous country.

Hi EasyOff,

Thank you for thinking that way of my country. I hope some Filipinos think the same way as you do...

Here's to you x 100 San Miguel Beers....

Cheers

Nice one Angela, I like your discripiton of the Phillipines well we in England are not having a civil war at the moment but the rest sounds very familier re that egg its pretty close to the stuff they serve our kids at school :-)

Here are some more funny names. These are the names of business establishments.

"Bay Wash" - name of a Laundry shop
"Kik Mai Bols" - (sounds like Kick my balls)a food shop specializing in Chinese snacks namely kikiam, siomai and fishballs food
Sutukil - (sounds like Shoot to kill)a place where fish can be "sugba" (grilled) "tuwa" (boiled) or kilaw (eaten raw)
"Pohky Pig"- shop BBQ food
"Walastik" - an eatery. Walastik means super or mega
"Mas Walastik" -an eatery is said to be in front of "walastik" eatery. "Mas" means "more"
"Wrap and Roll" - name of an eatery specializing in rolls
"Meatropolis" - meat shop
"Meating Place" - meatshop
"Leon King Video Rental" - video shop Las Pinas
"Poland Hopia"- Owned by Mr.Po Bakery Chinatown, Mla. Hopia is a kind of food
"Holland Hopia"-Owned by Mr.Ho Bakery Chinatown, Mla.
"Happy Birthday Toyo"-a Soy Sauce brand in the 70's. "Toyo" is soy sauce.
"Goldirocks" - a shop selling Gravel&Sand
"Felix the Cut" - Barber Shop
"Aristoback" - an eatery at the back of a street called Aristocrat (Roxas Blvd)
"Brad Pet Shop" - PetShop
"Bread Pitt" Bakery - bakery
"Balls ko" -fishballs &squidballs Food. In English, this means "My balls."
"Muradito" - shop selling Surplus/carparts. Literally, it means "Cheap here."
"Masmuradito" Surplus/carparts. It means "Cheaper here."
"Star wash" - Car Wash
"Chicago Balls"- fish ball stand
"Le Cheng Tea House" - Restaurant in Chinatown, Manila. "Leche!" means "Damn!" or "Sh*t!"
"What's Disc?" - store selling CDs and blank CD
"Wash & Carry" - Laundry
"Common Cents Store" - a convenience store
"Putahe ng Ina Mo!" - an eatery. In Philippine language, "Putang ina mo" means Son of a b*tch!. "Putahe" means viand.
"Go to heaven"- old name of the Loyola Memorial Chapel
"Hurry Cutter" - Barbershop
"Staying Alive Funeral Parlor" - Funeral Parlor
"Ace Pintura" - Paint store. "Pintura" means paint.
"Bill's Gate" - Computer rental shop
"Mami mo mikuto" - a food shop specializing in noodles called mami. But the name literally means "Your mom has lice."
Let's Talk Dirty - laundry service near Robinson's
Wash up Doc - laundry service in baguio
Edgar Scissorhands - Salon along Regalado Ave. Apparently, the name of the owner is Edgar.
Venz Diesel - vehicle store parts
HAIRRIFIC- Barbershop along Espana, Manila

If you're from LA, you must have heard of Jollibee. Jollibee is our version of McDonalds. Here are some stores that take advantage of the Jollibee name. As usual, Filipino humor kicks in...

Jelleebee - mini-grocery in in front of a Jollibee
Jolli-back - an eatery at the back of a Jollibee branch Philcoa, Quezon City
ONE 111 - a plate number
Harry Water with the same fonts in the book/movie - a purified water refilling station
Crust ng Bayan - bakery in Paranaque. This means "Crush of the Nation." You know, high school crushes.....
Hair Force 1 - barbershop in Naga City
Con Hair - another barbershop in Naga CIty

Angela

Any feedback on the above names? :-) :-) :-)

Angela

Thanks for the great info and thanks for the effort and time you spent for us sharing this.
already bookmarked this post to read it again and again .
stay safe Angela

Angela, Maybe you could give us some good recipies from the Phillipines? When I was stationed in Okinawa
Japan I got to sample some food from the Phillipines. It was very tasty! Any recipies would be great!

Hellbent11: Do you recall the names of the food you tasted? Not all people like the taste of Filipino food...

Balut? You guys can have mine...

Linkage:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balut

Wow.

Shaun

If you don't like Balut, you can try Penoy (its a very very mild version) :-) . Duck eggs that are not properly developed after nine to twelve days are sold as penoy, which look, smell and taste similar to a regular hard-boiled egg.

Actually, balut tastes really good. It looks disgusting but it's goooood.

Angela