You might be an EXTREME Redneck if:
>
> 1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in
> front of her kids.
>
> 2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how
> much gas is in it.
>
> 3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
>
> 4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different
> night.
>
> 5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
>
> 6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, y'all, watch
> this."
>
> 7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
>
> 8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
>
> 9. Your junior prom offered day care.
>
> 10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are
> "Gentlemen, start your engines."
>
> 11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off
> its wheels.
>
> 12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
>
> 13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
>
> 14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
>
> 15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at
> the House of Tattoos.
>
> 16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law
> against it.
>
> 17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk
>

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

LOL!! :-)
Thank's for the laugh!

I remember a list some years ago called:
"How do you know if your StarFleet captain is a redneck?"
Just remember a few:
- your captain has a six-pack under the commander seat
- your spaceship is painted John Deere green
- your spaceship has bumber stickers like 'eat [auto-censored]!'
- your spaceship has a broken tail light

Paul

WOW!! Look above post!
First time I've been auto-censored!!
Lost my virginity here I guess :-)

Thanks for the laugh on this pretty sucky Friday.

Jeff Foxworthy has a show on Comedy TV called Blue Collar TV, or something like that. He has one bit where he shows "redneck yards." Actual pictures of yards people have sent in. He showed one that had a bunch of wrecked cars, trash, lawn mowers, etc. He claimed it had "five lawn mowers and six blades of grass", and that was pretty accurate.

He also says that if you found two cars the last time you mowed your lawn you just might be a redneck.

Rodger,

I personally know someone who's family's yard fits that very description. I have personally witnessed many more a yard like that where my Grandparents (now deceased) used to live. :-)

You could be a redneck if............
Your home is mobile,but your car is not!
cheers

You might be in a red neck motel.
" You call the night manager and say I got a leak in the sink."
And he Replies." Ah ight, yount to."
Jerry

You might be a redneck if -----
Your front porch collapses and more than two dogs die.
Your house has a flat tire.
You flush the toilet with a shovel.
Your rich folks cause ya got a double - wide.
You ask a lawyer if your wife will still be your sister if you get divorced.
Your parents used to get your school clothes at the Army and Navy store and you graduated 6th grade dressed as a Japenese admiral.
Your mailbox says - us.
Your mom asks you to take out the trash, so you ask the girl in the next trailor if she wants to go bowling.
They film an episode of C.S.I. in your town but can't id the body because -
Everyone in town has the same D.N.A.
Forget dental records.
A tat found on the body says - "me"
Cheyenne

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
Getting back on my feets slowly...

Oh boy here we go.

You might be a redneck if.

If you credit passing your hunter safety test to a few years of experience.

If your house has a door that leads to nowhere on the second story.

If you have ever spent the first day of deer season with a rifle and full camo in a sofa chair infront of said door.

If you believe there is a war going on between you and the groundhogs.

If you have 2 coats and there both a deferent type of camo.

If you have spent 16ga shell casing on the string of your coat.

If you hunting coat pockets hold as much random stuff as a women’s purse.

If you ever shot a hole in your living room ceiling with a shotgun.

If people don’t think your home because you are not of the front porch with a gun.

When you go to do a job you take a knife, hammer, and roll of duck tape.

If you have ever been kicked out of a pet shop for wanting to eat the rabbits.

If you have ever had to swerve to hit a deer.

If you will not go to see the president for free when he comes to give a speech in the area. But you will pay to go there and see Larry the cable guy.

If you go to the zoo and wonder what every thing would taste like.

If your user name is redneck.

If at school when asked what you want to be when you grow up you ever said a dumb hick.

Well thats all I can come up with right now but I will say that I have done all of these things.

Wanna know what Rednecks think when ya use them fancy puter terms?

Backup
What ya do when ya run cross a skunk in da woods.

Bug
The reason ya give yer boss when ya call in sick.

Byte
What yer pit bull dun did to yer friend Bubba.

Cache
Needed when ya run outta food stamps.

Chip
Pasture muffins that ya don't wanna step in.

Crash
When ya go over to Jethro's shine party uninvited.

Digital
The art of counting on yer fingers.

Diskette
One them femail disco dancers.

Fax
What ya lie bout to the IRS.

Hacker
Uncle Jeb after 30 years of smoking.

Hardcopy
Picture ya look at when picken out yer tattoo.

Internet
Where cafeteria workers put their hair.

Keyboard
Where ya hang the keys to yer John Deere.

Mac Address
Where ya go fer them big burgers.

Megahertz
How yer head feels after that 18th beer.

Modem
What ya did after the weeds in the yard got too tall (when ya can't see the mailbox).

Mouse Pad
Place where that cute little mouse lives.

Network
Scoop'n up a big bass b'for it breaks yer line.

Online
Where the law tells ya to walk when he thinks yer drunk.

ROM
Where that Pope man lives.

Screen
Used to keep the skeeters outta the house.

Serial Port
Fancy wine ya drink with yer Capt. Crunch.

Superconductor
Amtrak's employee of the year.

Terminal
Time to call the undertaker.

Lets talk about REDNECKS...
The redneck moto............."You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape."

And these are cute...Redneck State Motos..........

ALABAMA ~
"Yes, we have electricity"

ALASKA ~
"We also take American money"

ARIZONA ~
"But It's a Dry Heat"

ARKANSAS ~
"Litterasy Ain't Everthing"

CALIFORNIA ~
"As Seen on TV"

COLORADO ~
"If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother"

CONNECTICUT ~
"Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character"

DELAWARE ~
"We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water"

FLORIDA ~
"Ask Us About Our Grandkids"


GEORGIA ~
"We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism"

HAWAII ~
"Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru"
(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

IDAHO ~
"Potatoes and Neo Nazi's ... What More
Could You Ask For?"

ILLINOIS ~
"Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

INDIANA ~
"2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free"

IOWA ~
"We Do Amazing Things With Corn"

KANSAS ~
"Where Science Don't Mean [auto-censored]"

KENTUCKY ~
"Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names"

LOUISIANA ~
"We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign"

MAINE ~
"We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster"

MARYLAND ~
"A Thinking Man's Delaware"

MASSACHUSETTS ~
"Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's
(For Most Tax Brackets)

MICHIGAN ~
"First Line of Defense From the Canadians"

MINNESOTA ~
"10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes"

MISSISSIPPI ~
"Come Feel Better About Your Own State"

MISSOURI ~
"Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work"

MONTANA ~
"Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Very
Little Else"

NEBRASKA ~
"Ask About Our State Motto Contest"

NEVADA ~
Two words - "Hookers and Poker"

NEW HAMPSHIRE ~
"Go Away and Leave Us Alone"

NEW JERSEY ~
"You Want a Frickin' Motto? I Got Yer Frickin' Motto Right Here!"

NEW MEXICO ~
"Lizards Make Excellent Pets"

NEW YORK ~
"You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an
Attorney..."

NORTH CAROLINA ~
"Tobacco is a Vegetable"

NORTH DAKOTA ~
"We Really are One of the 50 States!"

OHIO ~
"At Least We're Not Michigan"

OKLAHOMA ~
"Like the Play, only No Singing"

OREGON ~
"Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner"

PENNSYLVANIA ~
"Cook With Coal"

RHODE ISLAND ~
"We're Not REALLY An Island"

SOUTH CAROLINA ~
"Remember the Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender"

SOUTH DAKOTA ~
"Closer Than North Dakota"

TENNESSEE ~
"The Educashun State"

TEXAS ~
"Si' Hablo Ing'les"
(Yes, I speak English)

UTAH ~
"Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus"

VERMONT ~
"Yep"

VIRGINIA ~
"Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?"

WASHINGTON ~
"Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!"

WASHINGTON D.C. ~
"Got crack?"

WEST VIRGINIA ~
"One Big Happy Family - No, really!"

WISCONSIN ~
"Come Cut Our Cheese"

WYOMING ~
"Where men are men and sheep are scared"

LOLOLOL
If anyone is intrested..i found these at this site..they have a collection of funny redneck stuff...

http://www.weeville.com/index.htm

Another little giggle for yis!
:-)


THE REDNECK`S MEDICAL DICTIONARY

Artery - The Study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door to the cafeteria
Barium - What you do when CPR fails
Benign - What you be after you be eight
Bowel - A letter like A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y
Caesarean Section - A neighborhood near Rome
Cat Scan - Searching for Kitty
Cat Scan - What dogs do when they enter your yard
Cauterize - Made eye contact with the nurse
Colic - A Sheep Dog
Coma - A punctuation mark
Congenital - Friendly
D&C - Where Washington is located
Dilate - To live long
Enema - Not a friend
GI Series - Baseball between teams of soldiers
Grippe - A Suitcase
Hangnail - A coat hook
Impotent - Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff - A Doctor's cane
Morbid - A higher offer
Nitrate - Cheaper than the day rate
Node - Was aware of
Outpatient - A person who has fainted
Pelvis - Cousin to Elvis
Post-operative - A letter carrier
Protein - In favor of young people
Recovery Room - Where you have your upholstery done
Rectum - Darn near killed him
Rheumatic Fever - Amorous feeling
Secretion - Hiding anything
Seizure - A Roman emperor
Tablet - A small table
Terminal Illness - Sick at the airport
Tibia - North African country
Tumor - An extra pair
Urine - Opposite of you're out
Varicose Veins - Veins which are very close together

Mary, that site got this one wrong. It's actually "Our women have more plastic than your cars."

Wasn't there a redneck olympics just last week. I think I heard it on AFN.

My supplier in Texas is an admitted redneck. He said so himself. I met his family.. They look more like Swedes or Germans. Even their furniture. He's also got a pretty grand daughter whom I didn't want to comment about while I was visiting. I found that he also had a cabinet full of shotguns and .22's

Really nice and decent fellow.

Your talking about the song by by Jeff Foxworthy right? I have it on CD someplace.

“And you just know when they let those doves go there be guys out in the parking lot with shotguns”

As they say in the less progressive parts of Essex, when introducing visitors to SWMBO

"Have you met my wife and sister?"

Sooo glad I'm from Wales really, and it's a part without sheep before anyone starts

For gawds sake don't start on the Essex Girl jokes - we'll all get banned from the site!!
Welsh joke - the Americans put their women on a pedestal, the English worship their's, but only the Welsh are brave enough to put their's on the national flag!!

Signs a redneck has been at your computer...

1. The moniter is up on cinderblocks
2. Theres a can of Skoal stuck in the floppy drive
3. The keyboard is missing half of its "teeth"
4. One key has been labeled the "any" key
5. Front panel now has a chrome grill
6. Moniter covered in camo
7. Mouse is labeled "critter"

Redneck Facts of life-
Written by an admitted redneck
1. There are three saturdays of the year that are more important than any other days. They all start with "D"
Opening day of Dove season
Opening day of Duck season
Opening day of Deer season
2. There is nothing as sacreligeous as not liking Smokey and the Bandit, in fact, Rednecks cheer if someone runs into a diner yelling "get me a diablo sandwich and a Dr. Pepper; and make it fast because I'm in a gawddamned hurry!"
3. Yes, people actually say "Does a bear take a dump in the woods?" when asked if they can do something.

(++) (++) (++)

Here are some I heard the other day.

You might be a redneck if your tree stand

Has a mailbox (probably one that used to be a tackle box)

has electricity and your house doesn’t

has said electricity ran from a farmers fence.

Is divided into a living room, kitchen and bathroom. (And It’s also the only bathroom you own)

has a deer head hanging off the front of it.

Was once a mobile home.


Lucky this time I can say my tree stand doesn’t have any of this.