How to give a cat a pill. PLEASE pay attention to instructions !!

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either
side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while
holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into
mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle
cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm,
holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Gently force
jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right
forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of
wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees,
hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by
cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while
forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and
rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil
wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.
Carefully sweep shattered figurines, models, and vases from hearth
and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with
head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking
straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking
straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans;drink
1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm
and remove blood from carpet with cold water and mild soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open
another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on neck,
to leave head showing. Gently force mouth open with dessert
spoon. Flick pill down throat with an elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door
back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour
shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records
for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek
to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away
and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the **** cat from across
the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while
swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little monster's front paws to rear paws with garden
twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy-duty
pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by
large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it if necessary.
Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat
to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you
to the emergency room,sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers
and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call
furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect the "mutant cat from hell"
and call local pet shop to see if they have any really small
hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1. Wrap pill in bacon.

2. Toss in the air.

Ola Steven

Thanks for posting this. I`m typing this with the tears in my eye from laughing. Why? because I recognize it. We have 2 cats here at home. And every year it is a feast to give the critters pills and even a band around the neck is an operation on live and death. I have had so many scratches last years of cats.

Thank you steven that made my day!!!!!!! Like Rob I recognise it, god what a mission it is to give our cat a pill

LOL... with three cats......
:-) :-) :-) :-)

HI, I've heard this before and having three cats, there is no doubt that some of these critters would fit into this catagory.

We have yet to administer pills to any of ours, but our big all white 17 pound cat does occasionally get a dose of the 'pink-eye' and then we have to hold him down twice a day to administer drops till it goes away. And then there are those toe nail cuttings every 4 to 6 weeks too.

As far as pills goes, I would say to watch the vet and see how they do it and repeat the process.

It also helps if the person giving the pills has a good loving relationship with the animal, esp. if it's a cat. Cats, as a general rule, aren't all that fond of the 'bonding process' , esp. to humans, to begin with.

Take care, Sgirty