This morning SWMBO left for two days on an excursion with her school. As I have been up since 5.15 (driving her to the school etc.) I am now sitting here in a situation which can only be described as blissful. I normally don't have a cigar after breakfast, and certainly never in the house. However, today is different...

I'm also going to actually get some building and painting done as well. She left hinting strongly that she'd like to see the large bathroom painted. Do I? Nope, not unless she wants it a nice fetching shade of Russian Green...

So I find myself in a quandary here. Do I have beer as well to toast her absence? What other 'Archie Bunkerisms' can I indulge in as well? I've already got Latino blasting out of the TV...

Gentemen, I need your help. I feel a terrible urge to totally change my life for two days, any suggestons?..Jim

Hmmmmmmmmm...well assuming you are off work those days as well-

Cigar-a very good start! Beer for breakfast, Yup! Lunch and dinner too, you don't want to skip any "meals" while she's away! Any form of housework would be off limits...so long as you have enough plates, glasses, etc to get by.

Excessive playing of loud music always good, maybe non-stop war movies in the DVD, shaving would be forbidden, bathing at YOUR discretion. I'm sure you'll find more ways to keep the boredom at bay! Just make sure to let us know!

And the final piece of the puzzle- make sure to allow enough time to dash to the florist, jewelers, whatever and get her something nice...

I'm lucky, my wife would be shocked if I didn't behave this way while she was gone! I'm a lucky man!

Jim :-)

I have found, that single highland malts can be enjoyed at any time of the day ....



Enjoy your freedom!

Jim

The breakfast of champions = cold pizza and warm beer (too much time spent with the brits i know).

Clip your toe nails on her side of the bed, have a take away vist the super market and buy a crate of beer and work your way through it

I agree. There's nothing wrong with a bit of carbo-loading. After all you've got to keep your strength up. Besides professional athletes carbo-load all the time, and look how healthy and fit they are...

I find substituting beer for milk works well with breakfast cereal...

I wouldn´t even make breakfast. Id be down the local little cafe for breakfast ... call in for a pint or two to relax and then have a snooze for a few hours. Wake up ... stick the microwave dinner in, eat it and model to the cows come home! All this without the usual interuptions would be heaven.
House work done when SWIMBO is away, goes un-noticed. Leave that ´till she gets back, and can supply cooked meals, coffee and appreciation for all your hard work.

Jim, the first thing I do when the wife and kids are away is to break out the stash of 4th of July fireworks take off all my clothes and run around the house naked setting off firecrackers, and yes there is alcohol involved. - Cheyenne

Don't forget that other prerequisite of being home alone- crapping with the door open!

OH....boy...... if your wife has a sniffer like my ex-...... she smell that UA stoggie a block away when she gets home....... :-) :-) :-) as for the beer.... go for it...... had many a beer for breakfast in the old days......... :-) :-) :-) :-)

You probably do not know that beer is one of the few natural electrolite liquids that supplies you with much-needed salts and minerals. It also has antibiotic qualities and was used as medicine by the ancient Egyptians.
Having said that, I think You can start any time of day you feel like.
My wife recently spent 12 days in the UK on fencing tournaments, imagine what a holiday that was.
Skip the painting and leave the cleaning for the last minute.
Enjoy life, it's short.

So she wants a painted bathroom...

I would go along with cheyenne and get out those firecrackers and do it the Mr. Bean way...

It's done in minutes so you still have plenty of time left to enjoy a good drink (any kind...)

Kris

BTW: if she makes a remark that everything is the same colour, you can always tell her she didn't specify to take out everything when you painted the bathroom. By now she should know we men need detailed and clear instructions. Vague hints and between the line remarks are not grasped

Ahhh! beer for breakfast,i have in the past financed shopping trips and visits to relations in Scotland in order to indulge in that bit of heaven :-) :-)
Arthur

Latest update gentlemen. No sign whatsoever of the bathroom getting painted. However, in the style of the free spirits who inhabit this site, the following occured today...

1) I went out for lunch, came back and had a short sleep on the sofa.

2) Watched Die Hard 2 with the pro-logic sound system way up high...

3) Went and had ribs, french fries, and the relevant sauces for dinner. Washed down by a bottle of red anti-freeze (Chateau Glycol) finished dinner with 2 large whiskies, several coffees and a Cuban cigar (no embargo here... )

4) Contemplating what to do next. The idea of the firecrackers is curiously tempting....Jim

my dad would drink beer and play call of duty, medal of honor or brother in arms on ps2 with his little headest... id jsut have friends over, skate, have a few beers and do homework lol

you to decide! good luck!

Frank

You've been watching too much Rumpole Jim. I've never tried Chateau Thames Embankment though.

Jim, trust me, the running around the house naked and playing with fireworks is a tried and true method. Of course if your the only one there. It's the same as being everyday stressed with work and or other things and coming home and relieving that stress by either drinking, which could be taken wrong by your family or significant others [ even with a rational explanitation ] as in " Hey I don't want to lumber you with my problems but all by my onesies I'm finding it hard to please all of you [ my family ] ". So therefore drinking and or playing ps-2 and killing bad guys or forces of evil - basically venting - or the eqivilent, running around the house naked playing with fireworks when " the signifant others are not there" is a stress reliever. That is of course as long as you go to work the next day and nobody looks like someone you shot-up the night before on Resident Evil IV [ awsome stress reliever ] To make it even simpler watch a movie called SHAWN OF THE DEAD self explanitory. - Cheyenne - Oh yes and as a little tip , as in frying bacon naked, try not to get the inflamible parts near the combustible material.

I would also leave any dishes and glasses unwashed in the sink too

Goofing around doing nothing is great ..... :-)

Sounds like you are getting the best of it!

Beer and fine Cigars... truly THE GOOD life!!!

Firecrackers- always fun. Naked and firecrackers- potential for fun very high, as well as the possible serious ouch!

Possibly firearms if allowable. Of course, firearms are not to be used in the house...I ALWAYS enjoy the smell of cordite in the morning. And you'd be best to avoid the liquor cabinet while if your gonna be blasting!

WOW- the possiblities that you have are awesome!

We are living vicariously through you!

Jim

As I have received so many kind and encouraging words from the 'opressed masses' on the site, the latest update is that I have just had a splendid lunch washed down with some more of the 'Special reserve Chateau Glycol' followed by a generous measure of some fine cooking brandy and (of course) yet another cigar...

I also have to inform the readership, that I have been wearing odd socks for two days now as yet another statement of intent...

This truly is the life....Jim :-)

More power to your arm Jim , but after all that yodelling fluid I would like to see the model youve been working on :-)

Jim

I know how you feel. SWMBO (C/S niner domestic) is returning today after 5 days on the road. I guess I'll have to clean up my act and put away the adult beverages, put the stereo back on her station, clear up the dead soldiers (empties for you youngins) and so forth. Oh well....2 weeks until the next road trip.

May I recommend, along with the odd socks,drinking,cigar smoking, rare steaks(wipe it's arse, pull it's horns and put it on the plate) flirting with waitresses,nudity with explosive devices of your choice and a great Northern tradition of craping with the door open.... a full scale riot.
Responsible partners in my experience always benefit from returning home to adversity.
Pick a fight with the nieghbours.
This should, for maximium effectiveness have quickly escalate from an exchange of words into full blown hostilities.
The ensuing mayhem should cover up all traces of odd socks,drinking,cigar smoking ect.You will get off scott free as all partners harbour a deep seated mistrust of the neighbours and you will clearly be the victim of others unreasonable behavior.
If all else fails lie
October