1) My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought
he was God and I didn't!

(2) I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

(3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

(4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

(5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

(6) Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. (A
FAVORITE)

(7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

(8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

(9) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

(10) I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

(11) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

(12) NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the- room-spinning
medicine.

(13) God must love stupid people; He made so many.

(14) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

(15) Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

(16) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

(17) Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

(18) Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew
up.

(19) Procrastinate now!

(20) I Have a degree in Liberal Arts; Do you want fries with that?

(21) A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

(22) A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

(23) STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!

(24) They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

(25) He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

(26) A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up three
thousand times the memory.

(27) HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
for a pig.

(28) The trouble with life is there's no background music.

(29) The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

Bumper Sticker

If you can read this, thank a teacher!
If you are reading this in English, thank a Veteran!

******************************

1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,
"I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and
drink whatever comes out?"

2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken
there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta
it's butt."

3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the
freezer?

4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there
a song about him?

5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the
carpool lane?

6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for
the time, but don't point to their crotch when they
ask where the bathroom is?

7. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get
undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

8. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on
all fours? They're both dogs!

9. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all
that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil
is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made
from?

12. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality
come from morons?

13. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle
Little Star have the same tune?

14. Stop singing and read on..........

15. Do illiterate people get the full effect of
Alphabet Soup?

16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a
car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

17. Does pushing the elevator button more than once
make it arrive faster?

18. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

19. Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email
address in the first place?

LIVE WELL...LAUGH OFTEN

Funny but where is the food?

My LHS, Complete Games and Hobby in downtown Colorado Springs, has a great selection of bumper stickers. Far more than I can remember. Here is my favorite.

"Breast implants? How stupid is that? If I wanted to fondle $3000 worth of silicon I'd buy a new computer."

I loved your list. Made my day.

no they dont! voice...can you hear me

OK, I admit it, number 13 got me...I started singing both the alphabet song and twinkle, twinkle...until I read number 14 :-)

this might explain a few things


i was wondering why my friends were jealous, this explains it


indeed, i quote my teacher " frank dammit! everything i say enters one ear and leaves the other! without hitting anything! "


babys?

Favourite bumper sticker :
If you can read this, you are to close.



I can only be nice to one person a day, today doesn't look like your day.

This is not Burgerking, you don't get it your way, you're having it my way or you don't have it at all.

Classic
You don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps.

Would you like to speak to the person in charge, or the person who knows what he's talking about?

If you don't live on the edge, you take up to much space.

Cheers
Henk