Had to share this with the rest of you, as I found it funny.

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'

... And then the fight started

******************************************

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddle d up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

******************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY! !!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

*** **************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a set of scales.

And then the fight started...

******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
so, I took her to a petrol station.

And then the fight started...

******************************************

After retiring, I went to the DSS to apply for my pension. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my application

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the DSS.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started....

******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

******************************************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

Andy: Great way to start the day.
here is an oldie but a goodie
Wife " Dose this dress make me look fat?"
Man " No it's not the dress that makes you look fat."
Fight!!!

Those are funny. Doing the copy paste to email it to my wife.
...And then the fight started...
Shaun

Thanks Andy

Very Cool. A Good Laugh to start my day. Thanks, milvehfan

Thanks, enjoyed the after work laughs.

Brilliant Andy ... needed a good laugh!!
I can see me using a few of those lines. Fight or no fight!!

The lady asked her pastor "Is it a sin to wear makeup?" He replied "Madam, in your case, it's a sin NOT to wear it!" And then the fight started.

Jesse

STOP IT - I`VE GOT A STITCH !!!

A guy comes home early from work to find his wife in bed with another man,he drags the guy out of the bed and down to his garage,he then clamps the guys "bits" into a bench-vice to which the now terrified man says "you`re not now going to cut that off are you ?".
"Nah" says the wronged husband "you are - i`m now going to set fire to the garage !!"